A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am in deep trouble I think. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months. I have been suspicious that he is pursuing other girls throughout this time. He is Arab Muslim and I am White Christian girl. He is 31 and I am 25. I know I am an insecure person. I have repeatedly asked him if he is going to cheat on me and he reassures me that he is not. He is very kind and loving to me. He spends a lot of free time with me and talks to me on the phone regularly (this is a long distance relationship with 100 miles between us).I have had his email passwords for the entire 6 months and since November I have been intermittently snooping on his email and facebook accounts. I have unwittingly dropped a few hints that I have checked them but he has never mentioned anything. It became a bit of an addiction. He remains in contact with his ex-girlfriend but nothing really suspicious is mentioned between them. He was also in contact with an Arab girl in Sept-Oct but nothing seems to have gone on from that either.Over the past two weeks he has really put on the pressure re marriage and kids and future. He is asking me specific questions about these topics. He has not said I love you to me yet.This sudden intensity is sort of what I want for my life (i.e. marriage and kids) but has made me freak out a bit. We initially agreed to get engaged at end of Summer if all goes well. I'm learning Arabic to fit in with his life.Anyway, we had a really nice week last week but I couldn't help myself and logged into his email again after about 2 weeks cold turkey. I found a message from his ex saying 'u don't want to talk to me anymore?' to which he replied '??? i'm on a course in london, i'll call you after'. I went a bit crazy at this and met up with him (a pre-planned coffee) before putting myself in line. I asked him if he'd heard from her to which he replied no then I asked 'really??' to which he told me she had tried to call him last week but he hadn't replied. I asked if he's sent her a text or anything to say he'd call her back but he said no. He was suspicious that I had suddenly bought this topic up and later text me to ask if I had checked his emails. I initially said 'what?? no!!' but then met him to confess that I had. He was furious. He told me that he's talking about marriage and he spends all his free talking with me and is this how I treat him? He says the trust is now gone and it's a fundamental huge flaw in our relationship. He is very angry and upset still. I am so sorry and regretful of what I have done. I love him and have told him that. I do want to eventually marry him. I am not sure how to progress with this situation. I realise that I have made a huge mistake. He is surrounding himself with friends at the moment and I just don't know what to do. I have apologized and promised that I will never do it again. I have told him it was just his email and just the one time so I hope he doesn't check this :( I'm so angry with myself and upset for hurting. I feel terrible. He tells me to stop saying sorry.Any advice on how to progress would be much appreciated. I am visiting him in 2 days for Valentine's day. He is still texting and calling me but clearly very hurt by this action.Many thanks in advance,Aisha
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christian, engaged, ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, I love you, insecure, long distance, muslim, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jessper84  +, writes (11 February 2010):
I'm dealing with a muslim man myself. I don't blame you cause muslim men are known for having more than one women. I've a been for 3 years and I broke up with him and he finally introduced me I feel very hurt. Just give it time and see what happens it is very soon in the relationship so wait. But when it getas more serious make sure u meet his parents go where he lives don't let him muniplate u. You don't want to be a secret it hurts. Don't wait so long I did cause everything need to be clear in the beginning. Good luck. But try to trust him cause when you don't it pushes the other person away he did the same thing to me and I'm not happy that he went through my myspace... I want someonew that can trust me
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (10 February 2010):
 Well, you hurt him and you apologized. All you can do now is hope that he forgives you and gets over it. Don't beat yourself up so much, and don't keep apologizing. Being far away from someone is hard, you were understandably insecure and you did something that LOTS of people do (I don't think I have a friend who hasn't snooped on her husband/boyfriend). Its very likely that if this relationship were not long distance, you would have not had such a strong urge to check his emails so often. It sounds like he does love you, so try to trust that now. Good luck next week.
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