A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex have been on and off for nearly four years now and had a lot of ups and downs. We got back together a couple of weeks a go and he was being nice and treating me how he should and spending more time with me. But he cheated by kissing a girl when he was drunk on me previously to this a few weeks a go and he admitted he made a mistake and would do anything to make things right. I told him I'd forgive him but it was going to be hard for me and it felt as if I wanted to punish him not by being nasty just I didn't want him to think he could do this and get away with it cause it really hurt me :-( then last Thursday we split as we had an argument and he asked if I wanted to sort it and I was crying so much I didn't answer and he walked out. We were texting each other still on this night and I was saying to him that I'm just horrible and he was saying no your not but he said I'd really upset him and hurt him. And then the next day I thought things had sorted and he told me he wanted to be friends. We didn't really speak over the weekend and his mum and dad went away on the Monday just gone and he told me he would talk to me. I went to speak to him and he said he wanted to make things right and we sorted things so I ended up staying the night the next morning he ignored me and said he couldn't do this. He told me things are different when we are together when I later went to speak to him. But he keeps being really nasty towards me I know he loves me and he's upset I just want him back and to make things better but I don't know how to do this if he's ignoring me and being nasty. I forgive him so many times and this once when I want a chance I don't think he'll give it to me. We have been in this situation a number of times I don't know whether I need to give him time its just so hard when I've been with him for a long time. What can I do?? :(
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Well, what you are doing now isn't working. And that is getting back together with him every time he throws a fit and walks out on you.
How about realizing this isn't going to change unless you change. The only thing you CAN change is you. As in, stop getting back together with him.
Unless you really get something out of this yo-yo relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): Hi,
If you've been on and off, you should probably consider stopping all this. It may be painful to let him go but think about this: would you pretend you were fine if you had an excruciating toothache? The answer is obvious, it'd be no. A tooth that is causing you pain needs to be taken out. The same applies to unhealthy relationships (friendships, or romantic relationships). It takes courage to let go but what was once a positive thing in your life has turned into something negative. Be brave, you will survive it with the help of your friends and family. You deserve better. I also wish you to find someone who will care about you, and respect you.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 If you want thing to be better you have to make better choices.
Imagine a great relationship with the man of your dreams. What does it look like? Now compare that with the relationship you've had with your ex.
You say you know he loves you. Based on what exactly? What is it he has done thus far that leads you to believe he loves and respects you? What do your friends and family think of this union? Do they support it or have you had to convince them of how great it is? If a friend or family member was in your shoes, what advice would you give them?
I agree with So_Very_Confused. As cliche as it might sound you simply haven't had enough life or dating experience to see that there is so much better out there. You've pinned all your hopes on him and he has you wrapped around his finger. Your reassurances, pleas and ultimatums are just talk. Until you're willing to set your own boundaries and stick to them, unless you're prepared to walk away, he (and others like him) can and will do whatever they like and continue to 'get away with it'.
You already know what you should do. You just have to decide whether or not you're going to do it. If you stay with him, expect more of the same and learn to live with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I know well cares about me then. We have tried so much but I just wish we wouldn't have this ignorance and splitting every time we have an arguement it isnt nice
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Ok you are young and you have been with this person on and off for four years… that means since you were a mere baby teen….
You two seem to thrive on the drama (trust me telling him you are horrible when he walked out on you is drama)….
I think it’s in your best interest to let this one go. You say you know he loves you… how do you define love? He’s cheated on you, he walks out on you, he’s nasty to you,
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results… are you being insane?
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