A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am about to get married. To a man that I do love with all my heart, Yet he had some problems in the beginning of the relationship. So as of now I want to make sure that EVERYTHING is truth. I will not judge him on it. I just need to know. Past is past. I love him then now and always will. He just doesn't seem to believe that. (He says I am way to good for him) I feel that we are perfect for each other. Is there any way I can do this. Mainly something free? I do not care if it gets traced back to me. I am going to confront him and let him know it's okay. I would like to hear it from his lips.Forgive me if I seem like a wrong person. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (22 August 2010):
Well i understand you love someone and you stand by him & believe in him! but it does take 2 and works both ways it is called respect,love,communication & honesty. iam not saying don't marry him all tho let the truth be known the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!! we all have opinions of whats real and whats not? and my reality is i will not marry anyone who is hiding something from ne you said yourself you almost found out and he took what away from you (papers) well it's your wedding!!Im out of here!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I was not going to reply but now am:
My closest friend met a man with a 'past'. We didn't really know what the past was, she tried probing. All he would say is he doesn't remember.
So plse be careful. My friend loved this man so much, she married him but slowly the past would reveal itself.
I admire you for wanting to know everything bec it is your life. You are young and need to do your homework about this man. Not to confront/ judge him but to know.
I have known a few people who only find out the 'truth' about their spouses after marriage and a few kids. Not a pretty sight.
So do your homework. Choose what you can live with and what is a non Negotiable.
Take care,I hope other women had a good head on their shoulders like you. Ghosts of the past always haunt and they crop up when least expected.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Thank you anonymous for your kind words.. I think you are a very nice woman. Yes you can love a man who has been bad, but he is like a little boy, you will have to take charge and make sure that he behaves properly.
It's hard what you want to do, love this man and marry him and make sure he makes you proud. But you love him, and I believe your probably the only woman on earth who will make him happy. But I worry about if he will make you happy too..
Good luck, I hope this man is worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Miamine- Thank you so much.
I have read many of your words. Altho some people may not agree. I can tell you are not here+ to let them hear what they want but give them the truth of you opinion. Once again thank you.
-To everyone else thank you :)
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (22 August 2010):
I would want to know if he's not telling you then no he is not being honest w/ you? and is hiding something from you.
you don't just be honest 1/2 way and it's ok? and i would want to know it exspecially being about the law! i mean if it's just something small then fine! it shouldn't bother him to tell you. i have a thought maybe? it has something to do w/ being busted w/ a prositute. now thats something sure a man wouldn't want the soon to be bride to know?? something in that family.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 August 2010):
Ok, trouble with the police, but you will not leave him and will not turn him away.
Stop the wedding, tell him you refuse to be married untill you know everything. Tell him not to lie, if he lies you will divorce him if you ever find out.
Tell him you love him, you will not run away, unless he lies and keeps secrets.
That should be enough to frighten him to tell the truth. But you must be honest too. You promise not to get angry or turn away from him if he tells you he has done bad things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it seems like I do not trust him, But please understand the type of person I am I go on actions not words. He never cheated on me. He never lied just avoided. Which i suppose could be lies.
When we first started dating he was running from the law. On a suppose burglary of a motor vehicle. Yet he avoided telling me what happen. I told him I do not stick with people who run from their problems. So he turned himself in.
The reason I ask the first time is cause for some reason he is still dealing with the law. Which makes no sense in my head I was with him every step of the way. Jail.Money.Bonds.Probation. He finished it all. Yet when we sit down over bills we come across one from a lawyer. He always takes it. Normally I understand they can be pretty expensive. Well finally I took it back and read it. But before I could get to the charge he took it saying "there are some things you should not know about me yet"
Now please understand. I do love this man and I trust him. As he does me. I've held onto things that I didn't want him knowing about. Well when we sat down and talked everything out.( which Oregongrl1 I have done this with him plenty of times) I told him all my secrets. We ended up getting pretty emotional about some and moved on.
My problem is I have a fear he is holding back the reason or whatever the charge is. But then again I might be making a deal out of something that is not worth the time of the kind Aunts and Uncles of Cupid. I have no problem admitting if I went over board or judged wrong in any way. I am women, who believes that if I had any problems then admit it and be proud to learn from it.
I am sorry if I seem to be wasting time. I just want everyone to know as I write this I am not in panic,nor pain. I am very content with my well being. Weather he tells me or not. I will still marry this man. Maybe he does need time to get things off his chest. We grew up together were best friends threw out everything. Walked around in hell a couple of times. Yet I still held back some things that took me 5 years to tell him or for me to accept them.
Thank you all again for your help.
:)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): A polygraph test.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): You'll have to be more descriptive here...what do you mean by "problems" in teh beginning of the relationship? Shounds like he did something that caused you to feel he is lying about his past. Was he with someone, or do you suspect? Trouble with the law? What are you proposing...doing a background search? If you have to do that this late in the game i would question whether you have either enough trust or communication to make a marriage work.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (21 August 2010):
You are getting married! what is wrong w/ you two sitting down w/ each other and being honest why beat around the bush you are going to spend the rest of your life! together? so i think you both deserve the truth before you say i do!! if you can't do that then i would not be getting married! that is going to be your red flag! don't you understand marriage isn't just a play day it's a very serious comittment so sit down and say ok here we go lets just lay it all out on the table here and now and let after this the past be the past and our furture be the rest of our lives don't be afraid honesty, is the only way and you will see the respect too! from one another once you open up and tell all, then if you still want to get married knowing what you know you went in it w/ everything out in the open.don't play no head games by beating around the bush trying to get things out of him. be a lady his soon to be wife!!! and ask him straight up.Best Wishes!
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