A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am supposed to go up north (Michigan) with my boyfriend's dads side of the family. i don't want to go because he has never been close with them and it's uncomfortable. The last time i went i had a horrible time. I want to make my boyfriend think i am sick so i don't hurt his feelings and make him think i don't like his family. He is really excited to go for the first time this year. How do i make myself seem sick so he can go and i stay home? And everyone wins. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): I just want to let everyone know that I went this weekend and it wasn't as bad as last time. most likely due to the lack of people that were there. Thank you very much for your support and advise!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2010):
 You're getting great advice. I'm wondering about what "uncomfortable" means. Also could you explain what you mean by you "had a horrible time"? A little more detail there might clarify things for us. Thanks!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (22 April 2010):
 If you don't want to go than maybe you shouldn't, have you tried talking to your boyfriend, honesty might be the best solution. This way when he has future plan with this side of the family again he will know not to include you. A Better excuse will probably be not being able to get the time off from work, but I really suggest honesty but a little petty lie to not hurt your boyfriends feelings won't hurt either. Good Luck in whatever decision you make.
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A
female
reader, msjuicy +, writes (22 April 2010):
 If you really like your boyfriend you have to make a sacrifice honey just go to support him
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 OK, looks like you need a contrary opinion here. First, it's not like you're married. You're just dating, so you haven't made the sort of lifetime commitment that could be undermined by something less than total candour. Second, you've done this before and it hasn't gone well. Third, white lies smooth things over in relationships all the time. I see no need for you to and be miserable. My wife and I have occasionally begged off each others' family obligations in the past, and it's been just fine.
Ideally you'd stand up for yourself and tell him why you don't want to go. But sometimes that doesn't go well. It's not hard to fake the flu -- just start complaining about aches here and there, wrap yourself in blankets until you start to sweat and complain about how cold you are.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ms understood  +, writes (22 April 2010):
you just have to go girl, if you have plan of marrying your boyfriend soon, they will also be your family. you really have to go..but if you're just playing around then pretend to be sick.
sometimes as a mature person we have to do something, even if it makes us feel bad
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Everyone doesn't win: you are lying. That's a lose for your relationship.
Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about this. If he's ok with you not going after you've discussed it truthfully, then great. If he still wants you to come then do it to support him.
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A
female
reader, Victoria Emily  +, writes (22 April 2010):
If I was you I would go with him just to support him. You say he is not close to them so he may need your support when staying with them if it does not go well.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Maybe you could let your boyfriend know in a straightforward way that you aren't looking forward to it. If you can describe exactly what it is you don't like about visiting, he might be able to understand and then you can have a real conversation about whether or not you should go with him. It is his family, and you aren't married, so in my opinion, you don't HAVE to go. Maybe if you let him know how much you are dreading it, he will let you off the hook, without having to lie.
If you insist on going with the lying though, you can always fake a back strain. Or if you have had any surgery/problems in the past, say those are acting up and you can't make the trip. I hope you can work things out without lying though.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 If your boyfriens is excited about this I think you owe it to him to go and be supportive. Especially if he's not that close to them. Did you ever think that the reason he is excited might be because you will come along and he has you there by him to support him?
When we grow up we all have to do things we don't like. At least be mature about it and tell him you feel very uncomfortable about it and don't want to go. You're treating this like you were still in highschool and want to skip gym class or a math test. This is not the right way to go about things as you not only do not support him, but are also lying to him. Lying is often a deal breaker in a relationship.
But if you really want to fake it sick, eat some spoiled food. That should take care of things.
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A
male
reader, LarryGalapagos +, writes (22 April 2010):
No one will win if you lie to your boyfriend. You will have deceived your boyfriend, and this will not be a good foundation for your relationship to grow into something more meaningful.
If you really care about your boyfriend, you will need to be open and honest with him. Tell him about your true feelings and why you don't want to go.
If you really don't want to go, and he really cares about you, he will be understanding. Meeting your boyfriend's family is a big deal even if you have a great time, and if you're not ready to meet them again, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
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