A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend can't forget my past... This is a LONG storyAbout 4 years ago I moved country with my now ex boyfriend of nearly 5 years... when I turned 20 we split up as I felt I was too young when we met. When we split up just before Christmas I went mental, I'd never had much attention from guys as I'd never wanted it having been in relationships since I was at school. All the attention I got after the beak up was drink fuelled and feeling down and lonely at the time... it was company/friendship I ended up sleeping with a couple of guys, one of which I don't even remember as I was drunk and to this day don't believe anything happened (yet he kindly spread the word that it did) and kissed one more. Admittedly at the time I did not care about anything including my ex's feelings (which I have since apologised for).I then decided to move back to my family in another country, when I got home I was glad to be on my own but started to miss my ex and felt I might of made a mistake, overwhelmed with the guilt and how I had acted it was one of the worst times of my life, I cried myself to sleep each night and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Looking back I was probably quite badly depressed about it all.I started to see a guy who I met whilst living away (the one who I kissed)... It was not about sex really... we were more friends than anything, we went out in groups and had a good time. He was just out of a relationship and decided he did not want anything serious and suggested I went out with his brother who was more my age. (weird I know...)We got on fine at first but then the mind control games started and I fell for it... then he moved away and that was that. I was still talking to his brother and we ended up seeing each other again. He then also moved away.I went on a few dates in the meantime and then met a really nice guy who had just split with his girlfriend, we got on really well and he kind of showed me that there were nice guys still... he treated me like a princess and we dated, I liked him but I didn't really feel a connection between us. I decided to spend Christmas with my family and then we arranged to meet at new year abroad (where his dad and my mum lived within a couple of hours apart)When I arrived my friend picked me up from the airport... we had been friends for a few years and spoke often, although living in different countries. We went out and had a great time, we just seemed to 'click' something I'd not felt in a VERY long time and was beginning to wonder if I would feel again. We slept together that night. I immediately finished my relationship with the other guy. Things moved really fast with us and I was besotted with him... something I did not see happening between us... We talked about everything like starting a family and settling down. It was exactly what I wanted, and he wanted it too...I spent 6 months travelling from home to see him in another country where we decided I would move so we could be together all the time. We were so excited about being together and were very much in love.Just before I moved over, my now boyfriend had been through my facebook messages/emails and had read all my messages from past boyfriends ect. I had never been bothered to keep my passwords secret as I had nothing to hide as in my opinion past is past and to be honest I never thought they would be read again. I think he was very hurt, he called me names like slag and said he didn't want to be with me. My things had already been shipped out and I had quit my job ready for the move. I was devastated and embarrassed. He decided to let the move go ahead... more out of guilt than anything I think. Since then it has been 6 months... we have had some happy times and I love him more than anything. But it always lingers in the background and he loses his temper usually when drunk and calls me horrible names and makes me feel like i'm not worthy of being near him, he also tells me to get out of his house ect. I never know when this is going to happen, things can be fine one minute and torture the next, I never know what's coming.I'm deeply ashamed of how I acted and have apologised profusely to those that I hurt or upset. I feel horrible about myself and hope that this does not last forever.My boyfriend does not by any means have a clear history.. being friends we both knew a lot of things about the other... Here a few things I know about him... He has a little girl that does not know he is her dad as her mother told her boyfriend at the time she was his... He slept with one of his best friends mum... he let me befriend a girl (who im very close too) then in anger told me 6 months later they used to sleep together... he used to cheat on his ex girlfriend and go home to her after... he sent his ex girlfriend messages whilst we have been together, more flirty than anything, but still hurtful.He has also slept with a lot of people... and it is well known. I am upset about some of these things, but I push them to the back of my mind because I love him. I never throw them back in his face as it is in the past. I've always hoped one day he will look at me the way he used to and treat me the same. I'm deeply unhappy and don't want us to split up... he is still my best friend and has the ability to be a fantastic boyfriend. I don't know what I can do to make him forget as I cant change the past, if I could I certainly would. I've never given him reason to not trust me during our relationship, I'm ready to be with him for good and would never dream of being unfaithful. I hope someone can offer some advice for us... as I don't think either of us knows what to do any moreThanks
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best friend, christmas, depressed, different countries, drunk, ex girlfriend, facebook, flirt, his ex, miss my ex, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): You can't make him forget and you can't make him change into a wonderful boyfriend. You say you are deeply unhappy but don't want to split up-why not??!!! He is treating you like crap and you are letting him. You need to dump him, spend some time by yourself to sort through your feelings, and then start fresh.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): You can't make him forget it and it's not even your problem. It's his problem. Stop regretting your past actions unless you feel ashamed of them independent of this guy's opinion.
He probably can't make himself forget it either. Deep down he would probably like to stop feeling this way just as much as you want him to, but jealous emotions do not obey rules.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Too much information, too many guys to keep track of. Im lost. But, the golden rule is: if your boyfriend is obsessed about your sexual past (and believe me girl, you have the entire female population on your side when we say this man is a loony) then you should leave him. If he can not respect you for who you are, and accept EVERYTHING, then he is not the man for you. To top it off, he must be quite an ass to condemn you for anything when he's walking up to his knees in his own "sins". Do you really want to be with this type of man? Are you happy in this relationship? Leave.
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