A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have resenly experince a miscarriage, and im wanting to try again but dont know if he is wanting to try again or to wait. How would iapprotch him about it. The problam is that he dosent like to talk about things he never gives me a staight answer. And this is something that he is not good at talking about. How should i let him know that i am ready to try and get pregnant again? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (12 June 2008):
You have to just ask if he is ready again or if he is still hurting. Just reassure him it is ok to say not yet and that you want the pregnancy to be happy not sad because he is not over losing the first baby. Just realize that until you are a few weeks past when you lost the first he might not get attached because the first loss was so painful so just remember to keep his feelings in mind because he lost the baby too. And wait for him to be ready!
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 I agree with Tremor - the best approach with a topic as 'serious' as this is the direct approach....and afterall, you BOTH have to be in the right place to begin to try again/ start a family.
What you have both been through is extremely traumatic and sad - and my heart goes out to you, just try to remember that people grieve in different ways and people cope in different ways too. Just because your BF has been quiet on this topic doesn;t mean he hasn't been giving it plenty of thought - maybe he would like to try again too and doesn;t want to pressure you? You won;t know what he's thinking and feeling until you ask.
Why don;t you start by just setting up a nice time/space for you two to talk...and then tell him what's on you mind. Maybe you being open and honest will help him feel safe to express his thoughts too...maybe you should ask him directly about how he has been feeling about what happened, whether he still feels sad etc...
you've got nothing to loose - you need to know where he is at either way...but you just need to be prepared to give him more time if he needs it.
I know what you're going through...and for me and my man 'trying' again has become a bit stressful...a bit too much pressure and hope and expectation - it's hard to have your hopes dashed again after such a big loss. So - IF you guys do start to try again - just take it easy, have fun and try not to THINK too much about it all...stress is no good for conceiving!!
Take care sweetie - I hope you have a bub in your arms very soon!
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Seems like your best bet is to ask him directly. Don't let him wiggle out of it.
Sit him down, tell him that you want to try again. Ask him what he thinks, and tell him you want a straight answer - none of this "um, er, I don't know". Does he feel good about it, sad, reluctant, excited? He may not be good at talking about things, but there are times when he is going to have to sit down and do it.
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