A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got a problem. funny redundant statement to start it off. im in love with a co-worker. problem is she has a boyfriend. she loves him. yet she tells me she loves being around me and it sucks too work when im not there. she leaves me notes in my work locker when shes working and im not, they usually say like "hey work was boring witout you. I hope you have a great shift and you better be there tomorrow I can't make it thru my 4 hours witout you lol". she tells me how she feels safe around me. I can't friend her on facebook cuz her boyfriend is on there a lot. yet she has other guy friends who work wit us on there. my sister who works wit us says she's stringing me along and needs too make up her mind. im tired of hurting from being a friend. he makes her happy and as long as she's happy wit someone and safe im happy. I recently talked with her good friend who says she thinks i like her and how she likes being around me, how she is happy around me, and how im such a great person and great friend. her friend also told me how her current boyfriend is using her and how he is over obsessive and extremely jealous. I want her too be happy and she says some times how he uses her. she's come to me before about her boyfriend and was crying and sobbing. instead of doin what most guys would do and talkin down about the guy I supported him and told her too stay with him. I know she has feelings for me and every time we talk she feels guilty I know this cuz I notice every move she makes and I know what she's thinkin can't really explain it but I know. knowing she feels so guilty and torn makes me feel like shit. I want too just leave and let her be so she doesn't feel guilty or torn any more, I've stopped texting her and tried too avoid her as much as possible. yet she still will look for me and run up and hug me. How do I let her go without hurting her? I can't make her choose but I know she would be torn with having too choose. what do I do? I love her and want her too be happy but she says she's being used yet still happy. please help me. I have no problem letting her go, I want her too be happy no matter what that means.
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female
reader, rambini  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 This sounds very unhealthy for you both. She definately sounds like she is trying to have the best of both worlds, she wants the stability and familiarity of whatever she has at home, and she wants the flirtatious, fun and exitement that you offer at work. she is playing games, she says she is happy, then comes crying to you saying she is unhappy. she knows there are mutual feelings on both sides yet still flirts with you, it isnt fair or healthy for either of you. she needs to face up to her responsibility - if shes happy she should put 100% into that relationship and stop flirting with you, and if she isnt happy its up to her to change things so that she is. there is nothin you can do to help her. so you are best to steer clear and let her make a decision on her own, and hopefully she will realise she cant just have a little bit of each of you. so give her time and space, i wish you the very best of luck
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 Stop letting her hug you. Whenever she talks flirty tone it down with humor. She says she's being used yet still happy? She can't be happy for long if you stop allowing her to be affectionate with you. Let her relationship run its cause. If you can fall in love with someone you can't get, you can fall in love with anybody. Whether she breaks up with her boyfriend or not, I don't think she's girlfriend material at least for now.
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