A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my abusive ex boyfriend 9 months ago. I went in debt living with him because he made me pay for groceries when i didn't have the money to. i wasn't helping pay his mortgage on a house he had owned long before he met me, so he thought that was fair. anyway, when i broke up with him i moved back to live with my parents. well, my dad is verbally abusive, and to make a long story short he kicked me out a few weeks ago. i found a place the very next day. but i don't want to use my BA degree in teaching, i want to be an actress. so i'm working at a preschool by day, and auditioning when i can. anyway, i have a great boyfriend (he's a year younger) whom i love and he loves me. but he never graduated high school or college, even though he plans to get his GED and become a CNA. i guess i'm just not feeling good about myself, my ex created his own business (he's 10 years older than me) and was pretty successful even though he spent everything he got. anyway, i'm just not feeling good about myself. i know it's not about money, it's about love. but i can't help but worry about my financial situation and feel like my ex will make it and i won't. i always told him that i didn't care about his stupid money, that i just didn't want him to be emotionally abusive to me, i wanted him to respect me. deep down i know it's good i left him, but i can't help but feel weak. it doesn't make sense b/c I broke up with him, and had to change my phone number and email because he was stalking me. he still occassionaly texts one of my friends to see how i'm doing. how do i let go of this relationship once and for all, get my confidence back, and just love my new boyfriend even though he doesn't have any money and neither do i? i feel like i am still controlled by my last relationship even though i'm not in it anymore. my ex became emotionally abusive right after we became engaged, so i began to try and break up with him many times. yet, i loved him and wanted to know when we would set a wedding date. he said when we stopped arguing, when we found the money, and when i got my career going-i was a teacher the year i met him, but then was thinking of going into real estate-party his idea because i wasn't making enough money as a teacher. it just blew my mind, though, that i had a career! how could he possibly wait for me to get one?! it's like he was coming up with excuses to not get married. which is fine i guess cuz deep down i didn't want to marry him either-not with him disrespecting me.
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broke up, confidence, debt, emotionally abusive, engaged, live with my parents, money, my ex, stalking, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 July 2008):
 First of all, you can't just love your boyfriend, and expect all to be well. You need to work on yourself and getting back to a high level of self before any of what you want to take place will begin falling into place.
Wanting to become an actress is a good goal, but you can't let life wait until that happens. Don't live in a way that 10 years down the road you realize life waited and you had the means to do something about it then. You can teach and still work on your dream of becoming an actress. But live a life where if your dream doesn't take place for the next year or two, you're still proud of how you lived during that time.
Once you start to wait and not do, your accepting less for yourself than you deserve. When you do that, your self esteem gets even lower, then depression sets in, then you start missing opportunities and before you know it your dream is a dream that has passed.
Although it would be exciting going to parites, limo drivers, and tabloids talking bad about you whenever they get a chance. If you haven't strengthened your sense of self, you can have all that and still really not be happy.
And stay away from abusive people. If someone starts tell them you won't be treated that way, and good bye.
Take care.
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