A
male
age
36-40,
*ickofgirls4real
writes:I've been with my gf for about a year and a half and we live together. I love her very much and I know she loves me back. I've known her for many years as we had met in high school through mutual friends, but we never really progressed into anything as I was never at school and she always was. I met back up with her about a year and a half ago as I was taking some classes to get my life in order, and she saw me and pursued me. We hit it off right away.The problem starts and ends with me. I was abandoned early in my childhood and was molested by my guardian until he was shot standing a few feet away from me. Those years essentially killed my soul. I roamed the streets alot, stole food to eat with my sisters, and to make a long story short, I eventually ended up as just another violent drug addicted gangbanger. I lost alot in those years.I was doing really good on my rehabilition and felt some happiness for the first time in my life. Then I met her. The first few months were bliss. She helped me along, made me feel great and made me feel like I could get over my past and be a decent human being once again. After we moved in, everything changed. She wasnt working at the time, so I was working 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week, paying all of the bills and rent on a very nice apartment. She was sleeping in, spending money like nothing. One month alone she spent $137.00 on Starbucks. She appeared to be a very motivated and self reliable girl when we were dating, but shortly after moving in, I found out that her parents had been paying for everything, and she had a job where she only worked 1 shift a week. Im serious. She lost this job.We argue constantly. I find myself resorting to my old habits to cope. When we are strapped for cash, I fantasize about going out and robbing people or selling drugs to get money, where as before, I would think about working some overtime shifts or helping out at my councillors garage for extra ends. And it kills me because I make more than enough to support myself, but when she goes shopping constantly its hard, and im starting to realize that she cannot change. I find myself hanging out with my old crew only to realize that Im there ONLY because I dont want to go home and face her.I love this girl. She is maybe the only person I have ever loved if I'm even capable of the emotion. But I love myself more and I feel I need to let her go in order to survive out here. What should I do?I love her and live with her, but I do not want to be with her anymore. I dont want to hurt her either. What should I do?
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male
reader, sickofgirls4real +, writes (26 August 2009):
sickofgirls4real is verified as being by the original poster of the questionicelordess wrote:
"You know, you can love someone with all of your heart, but it doesn't mean that the person is good for you. Its a sad fact, but sometimes that's just the way that it is. You cannot allow a person to bring you down no matter how much you may love them"
Thank you for this. I guess I was just holding on because when you only have one person in your life, its hard to let go of them.
I explained how I felt to her and she stormed out. Left me all alone again. And I've never felt better. Its strange its a relief and not as painful as i thought it woudl be.
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