A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I have been in an emotionally, financially and physically abusive marriage with a man addicted to drugs. I am in college and should be graduating with my degree in just a few months. My intent has been to file for divorce once I am working and can support my three children. A few months ago I ran into a man I have known for about 4 years. He was telling me about being miserable and wanting out of his marriage and how it is difficult to leave his children. I told him what I had been going through and how I understood, as I was still in my situation because of my children. We started talking and texting more and more, then meeting for lunch, drinks and to say hello. We started kissing, then he told me he loved me. We were at the movies when after the movie, I finally made the move for sex. He still tells me he loves me, misses me and we talk/text daily. I know that this is a mess. I read so much that says that if a man is doing this, it is just for sex. How do I know whether to trust and believe him, or just take it for what it is. I enjoy out time together and friendship, and don't know that I would change anything, but want to know whether to keep my feelings in check and just accept it for what it is, or do I trust what he tells me and let myself fall and go with it?Thanks for any insight....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 He is still married and so are you, no matter how bad both your partners are, what you are both doing is wrong. I wouldn't pin to much hope on this being a happy ever after. At the end of the day you are the other woman and nothing more at the time being. If you want something more for yourself other than being a bit on the side, well then talk to him, tell him how you feel and see if there is any hope that he is going to leave his wife for you. Most men who have affairs won't have the guts to leave there wife as they are settled and don't want to uproot there family. So all you can do now is talk to him, tell him you will be single and free to do what you like in a few months and ask him what he feels he will do. I understand you have a hard life with your husband but it still does not make it right you cheating on him at the moment. Finish your course and hope for the best and hopefully you and your children can set up life together and then see where this man fits in to all of this, my guess is that he will keep making excuses.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 t sounds like you are both in a "dangereous" place emotionally. Maybe an agreed upon time period should be observed before any real comitments should be talked about.
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