A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am divorced and have been seeing a guy for over 6 months (known him almost a yr). I am so in love with him and feel like I finally found the guy that was meant for me. I have 2 children, aged 4 and 2 1/2, and although he has met them, time with them has been very limited because of my ex. my ex husband is still very much in love with me and hasn't moved on after our divorce. I know its still a bit early to make the new guy more of a constant thing in my kids life but I know that point is coming and I want it very much but I'm not sure how to break that to my ex. He knows of this new guy and is extremely jealous and I know it will be very hard for him to think of his kids being around someone new but I am wondering how long is long enough before it's morally ok and I'm not harassed from my ex about it? My children know their father and I'm constantly offering my praise for him even though nice things are the last thing I want to say about the man :) I would never be looking to replace him as their father but I can't stay single forever and he doesn't understand that. How and when is the appropriate time to tell him that the current guy I'm seeing is spending time with his children?Thanks guys, I love this site :)
View related questions:
divorce, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (9 April 2009):
 There may never be a time when you can introduce the subject to your ex and not get 'harrassed' by him about it. But this is not about him, it is about you and your new relationship. He lost all say in how you run your life, especially you love life, once you two split up. Do not let him dictate how you run your own life. What really is at issue is the kids and how and when to introduce this man to them. I am glad to hear that you have not done this quickly or willy nilly. Children do not need a parade of men coming in and going out of their lives. They need constancy and consistancy. At this point you have been with your new beau for 6 months and have a good feel that this is going to be long term or maybe even permanent. I would say that it would be ok to start introducing him now. He should occasionally join you for activities, going to the park or the circus or to a movie are all fine. As they get to know each other and enjoy being around each other and the kids look forward to seeing him you can have him gradually increase his time with the family. I really think this needs to be done gradually and at the kids pace. Do not shove the new relationship down their throat or make them feel that some stranger is invading their space.
|
