A
female
age
30-35,
*izBetty
writes:I have never love before,but two weeks ago i met this guy who told me he love me and i also told him i do. My thought as always be on him despite the fact that he has travel. Please friends does this means am in love? And i want to know how i will know if he really loves me. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 You met him TWO WEEKS ago and now you are both declaring your love for one another?
I'm sorry, but you CAN'T POSSIBlY know enough about him to be thinking you love him, or wondering if he loves you!
You can be (and it sounds as if you are) INFATUATED with a man you only just met - you know, constantly thinking about him; daydreaming, the whole starry-eyed, exciting yet anxious bundle of feelings.
Is it love? No. Real love takes time - time to get to know someone when he/she is at his/her best, and even more important, seeing how they act when they've had a bad day, and when things in general are not going right (not necessarily anything to do with your and his friendship).
You need to be able to talk freely, honestly and openly with one another, and to have the confidence that he will
"hear you out" (and you him) without interrupting, or getting defensive, or blaming you, or belittling your ideas and what you have to say.
Real love involves the ability to be able to be comfortable and just enjoy spending time together......another big quality is the ability to know this is a person you can TRUST. In other words, he is honest, in his dealings with you and with other people. If by any chance he comes to believe that the two of you are not working out, he will say so, and - hopefully - be willing to discuss ways in which whatever is bothering him (or whatever might be bothering you) can be resolved.
You can expect to encounter disagreements and conflicts sometimes. What is important is the way you both handle them. And yes, one or both of you may get angry, or disappointed over something, that's normal.
What ISN'T normal when conflicts come up would be if he/she lies to you, tries to bully you into agreeing with him, insults you and heaven forbid - threatens to hit you. (Something you should NEVER tolerate. First time anyone offers you physical violence, the appropriate response from you is to show him the front door, tell him to go through the door and never to contact you ever again).
You see, with men who use violence or the threat of it, (whether it be to a woman, child, or animal), are all too apt to apologize profusely; even send flowers and swear he'll never hit you (or try to hit you) again. BUT the chances are that the next time he wants to get his own way (whether its about sex or getting money from you) he WILL threaten you. Men like that are simply not to be trusted.
If when you've been dating a number of months you realize he is a genuinely considerate, caring person, who enjoys being with you, but also likes time to himself - as you know, its important for YOU to have time away from him to pursue your own interests - work, family, friends, activities, etc. then things are working out, and the future may be promising.
Finally, pay attention to your feelings! If you sense that things are going well, then that's good to know. On the other hand, if you feel uneasy - or just have a plain feeling something's not right, you need to pay attention to that. Maybe its something you can talk to him about, and you'll find there's nothing to worry about. But if, on the other hand, he won't listen, or refuses to talk about it, then that's not a good sign - don't forget you need to approach him at a time when he's not busy or distracted with a whole lot of other stuff, if you want to have a talk about your concerns!
Good luck, and hope it works out the way you want.
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