A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i have been married for 23 years and back in 2007 he secretly met up with someone at lunch times to talk. I found out 6 months down the line and up until this day he lies to me. He told me he had an affair but really he did not. Two years later he would talk in his sleep about her and 8 months ago had sexual activity in his sleep with her. My husband has seen a mental health councillor and i see no change. He tells me he wants the marriage to work but i feel he says this to kp me sweet. He tells my friend things which of course come back to me and when confronted he says my friend is lyeing or he did not say this.How do i know he really wants this marriage as his actions and words are totally opposite.
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male
reader, Stu Pidasso  +, writes (23 January 2011):
Sounds to me like you need to be honest with yourself about things. If you are not honest with yourself how can you expect anyone to be honest with you? Him likeing the idea of the marriage working and the two of you being happy together does not mean he is willing to do what it takes to make it happen. I like the idea of having a yard that would go in Better Homes and Garden magazine, but I am not interested in working outside everyday and mowing two times a week. So you need to realise it is what it is babe. As far as this other woman goes; the problems in your marriage are not about her or anything he did with her. They are simply just symptoms of the real problem. If he said he had an affair with her I would beleive him. I am not sure where you got the information from, but I can assure you if it was from her most likely she does not want to hurt your feelings. If he is having dreams about sex with her it is fine indicator that he not only did it, but may want to do it again. Actions always speak louder than words. He may love you and care about you. Neither one of those is the same as being in love with someone. You can not have a happy and fulfilling marriage with someone unless you are in love with them. Sure you can stay with them. Hell, you can cohabitate with anyone. Living with someone does not mean you are a happy couple. There is a difference between living and living well. Trust me on this. I recommend you do what you feel in you heart is right and you will be fine. Sometimes what we need to do is the last thing we want to do, but is the first thing we think about doing. The reality of this is sittuation and the facts that make that reality are not a refflection on you as a woman, or him as a man. We all can and will make many mistakes in our life. Making the same mistake over and over is foolish. You may have to do something that is hard and forces you to be in a place that is not comfortable or familiar. Just remember there is no real progress without some type of struggle.
A
male
reader, Stu Pidasso +, writes (23 January 2011):
Sounds to me like you need to be honest with yourself about things. If you are not honest with yourself how can you expect anyone to be honest with you? Him likeing the idea of the marriage working and the two of you being happy together does not mean he is willing to do what it takes to make it happen. I like the idea of having a yard that would go in Better Homes and Garden magazine, but I am not interested in working outside everyday and mowing two times a week. So you need to realise it is what it is babe. As far as this other woman goes; the problems in your marriage are not about her or anything he did with her. They are simply just symptoms of the real problem. If he said he had an affair with her I would beleive him. I am not sure where you got the information from, but I can assure you if it was from her most likely she does not want to hurt your feelings. If he is having dreams about sex with her it is fine indicator that he not only did it, but may want to do it again. Actions always speak louder than words. He may love you and care about you. Neither one of those is the same as being in love with someone. You can not have a happy and fulfilling marriage with someone unless you are in love with them. Sure you can stay with them. Hell, you can cohabitate with anyone. Living with someone does not mean you are a happy couple. There is a difference between living and living well. Trust me on this. I recommend you do what you feel in you heart is right and you will be fine. Sometimes what we need to do is the last thing we want to do, but is the first thing we think about doing. The reality of this is sittuation and the facts that make that reality are not a refflection on you as a woman, or him as a man. We all can and will make many mistakes in our life. Making the same mistake over and over is foolish. You may have to do something that is hard and forces you to be in a place that is not comfortable or familiar. Just remember there is no real progress without some type of struggle.
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