A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok. So I met this guy about 9 months ago. Right away it was evident that we had several things in common--committed to school, into music, devoted to our community service (we actually met thru community service) and I thought he was pretty cute so we started talking. He was SO sweet, so fun to talk to, and it became a great friendship, but was still pretty reserved.In a few months we were texting all the time and sometimes he seemed to be flirting, but you know it's hard to tell via text. I was crazy about him at that point, and just desperate to know. Finally about three months ago we both confessed to liking each other and have been dating since...the first 3 or 4 dates were absolutely thrilling and we talked every night. But by the time he kissed me, about a month ago, I was feeling weird about it. I I had stopped looking forward to his evening calls. Everything had changed somehow.I had thought he was going to kiss me that night because he had been getting more and more touchy-feely lately and he just had that look in his eyes. It was my first kiss; I was excited but also apprehensive waiting for it. When he kissed me it felt all wrong. It was weird, almost gross, and it wasn't just a little kiss, he wouldn't let up, and was basically making out with me for a good 15 minutes--I don't say we were making out because I wasn't doing much of anything. I wasn't responding positively, because it felt so weird, but I was so shocked I wasn't responding negatively either, I was totally paralyzed. The next time I saw him I was recovering from being sick and I told him that I couldn't kiss him because I didn't want him to get sick, which was true, but I was glad for the excuse. On the one hand, a lot of first kisses are awkward, and I kinda wanted to try it again to see if the second time was any better. But I also didn't even really want to know. It seemed so certain that it wouldn't be, especially now--he's been on vacation for three weeks and will be gone another three more, and I can't say I miss him. I think about him, but I know he is yearning for me every night while I just kinda miss when we could have normal conversations and when I had more time to myself, as I do right now, because I didn't feel obligated to be with him. I also find myself thinking about this other guy whom I've known for awhile sometimes, and also just generally checking out and flirting with guys when I go out. I hadn't done any of that in the first three months or so that I was crazy over the guy I'm dating.I want to keep our friendship because we have really great, deep conversations and his friendship is precious to me. But I don't feel attracted to him in the slightest anymore. I know, though, that he is head over heels obsessed with me, and I'm terrified about talking to him about all this. He is pretty thin-skinned and emotional and I'm afraid he's totally gonna break down and be both angry and depressed and I'm not going to know how to handle it. Couple questions--How do I know whether I've really fallen "out of love"? Based on reading all this, do you think it's that awkward phase that seems to come in a lot of relationships but the passion could still be rekindled? Or is there a physical compatibility that just isn't there? And also, if I decide that this isn't going to work, how do you think that I should tell him? The coward in me wants to send him a letter because I feel like if I talk to him in person he won't let me get through everything I want to say without interrupting and it's really important to me that he hears all of it and understands how important he still is in my life. But I also know that breaking up in any way other than in person is kinda sketch. So any thoughts on what would be most appropriate, and how best to talk to him so that he won't be quite as hurt, and might still be my friend?
View related questions:
depressed, flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 You can't flick a switch to make yourself fancy someone, so the kindest thing to would be to break up with him. It's only fair to do it face-to-face. It'll be hard, but it's the right thing to do.
The next time someone goes a bit over-the-top with their kissing, just ask them to ease off a bit or stop. Maybe he was a bit inexperienced as he should have realised you weren't being very responsive.
|
