How do I know if he's just not good for me?

A female age 30-35, *shaw123 writes:

My boyfriend and I started dating in our last year of high school and are both currently in our first year of college, and still together. He is my first serious relationship. We both have always wanted to move to the same place for school and conveniently didn't have to break up for college. We moved together but live in different areas, and different dorms. Since day 1 (and before) he has always been the emotionally scarred one, and emotionally dependent one but, since we moved here, he has immersed himself in his new life, school, friends, and barely has time for me anymore. I'm having a bit of difficulty adjusting to not having the awesome support system i had back home, so about a month or two ago i began to express to him that while I had always been there for him, I couldn't just be his girlfriend whenever it was convenient for him. I also shared that I myself was going through a bit of a rough patch and needed support from him. I needed a little more time with him but mostly just attention. He said he understood and vowed to be available to me whenever possible, he was the one who was always in my position in past relationships. The "needy" position. I think the reason we were initially attracted to each other was because he made me felt needed and i made him feel taken secure. Well, since the initial sharing of feelings things don't change much but i assume that when certain obligations end we will have more time together to work things out. Last week i felt our communication to be stilted and he seemed distant (Not at all normal for us). I told him that I've been reflecting and felt that something in our dynamic had changed and i felt that it was a lack of respect, and that we should work to further that. He responded by saying he didn't feel like he could give me what i needed. I was shocked that he didn't feel he could support me with something as simple as a few texts a day, maybe a short phone call to catch up when we couldn't see each other. He called me 30 minutes later and proceeded to break up with me. 10 months into a working relationship, there is a slight bump and he panics. I had never had my heart broken before and i truly understood why it called heartbreak in that moment. I tried to reason with him to see his irrationality but he was insistent. I spent the rest of the day switching between shock/ numb and crying. I tried reaching out to friends, and thinking of a future without him. I accepted it and fell asleep early that night with a still heavy heart. I was awoken at 1 am with a call from him. He was outside. I went down, and looked around, not him at first. He turned the corner, in an almost run from the subway station 5 blocks away. Tears down his face he said my name and walked tentatively towards me. He said he'd made a mistake, that he doesn't know why he did that, he's an idiot, that all the times he'd been strong he'd had me, and begged me to forgive him and take him back. To him, we had only be broken up for 10 hours, but I had changed in those 10 hours. My first love after letting down my walls,and he'd taken me by surprise attack. We talked for a bit, and i tried my best to have him see my point of view. He finally left at 4 am. We met a few days later in the park to discuss where things were going to go...We talked and talked and after explaining that things were going to be different, and i didn't know if i could take him back after accepting moving on without him towards a different life...We got back together. On the grounds that we would start over, and aim to cherish and value one another like we did initially. In this whole ordeal, i don't feel like i was in the wrong, drastically at least. His reaction makes me feel like this relationship isn't going to go anywhere if every time I will have to take care of him. I need someone who can also take care of me. He is trying to return back to normal (a better normal), and forget that he ever hurt me. I'm not sure if i made the right decision. Or if i was too quick to take him back. should i have made him work for me, and understand the gravity of his decision? Maybe it was a sign to move on with my life... It's so hard to think of going through the holidays with heartbreak, and it almost seems simpler to go with what's easiest. I really do love him, but i have a loving heart, so how do i know if maybe he's just not good for me?

View related questions: got back together, move on, text

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A female reader, Pshaw123  +, writes (24 November 2010):

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A female reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2010):

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