A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!So I've been seeing this guy for a little under 2 months that i met on a dating site. It was really awesome at first, he would text me everyday and it would never cease. Our first and second dates were really awesome too. We had a great time and we first kissed on our second date. He then went on a trip and he still kept in contact with me everyday. When he came back we met up one night and i slept over his place. We didn't have sex, but it was nice sleeping in his arms. From then on he has stopped keeping in contact with me as much. We've seen each other 2 more times after this. But now we aren't actually going out anymore, we are just meeting up at his place and hooking up. Its still fun, you know, we laugh and talk, but i feel like he either might be losing interest in me or only seeing me as a hook up. Some of my friends think i'm over reacting because he doesn't text me/communicate with me as much. But i don't know! I guess my questions are, what can I do to keep the communication alive? do you think he is losing interest in me? and what should i do to avoid just being friends with benefits? thanks a lot!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014): Get out before you get crushed then dumped eventually once he gets bored of you. Then he'll tell you I don't see this going anywhere, I don't see you as my future wife. The worst breakup line you could hear in your life. You feel stupid because you knew he wasn't that interested while he told you otherwise but kept changing his behaviour.Once they start slacking and losing interest, it only goes downhill from there. It's commitment phobia. They are only interested in the catch (once they have you, your worth declines for them). You need to make them work for it, and it's a crazy never ending game of cat and mouse. Non-commital men lose interest fast, and then play games with your head because they cannot figure out how they feel about you. Worse is when they "maneuver" towards you and away from you, leaving you so confused and hurt. This behaviour is actually considered abusive because you never know what you did to make them pull away. You are too good for this! If he does not appreciate you, he does not deserve you. Mentally healthy men love to be in touch with their love interest. Hold on to those men, not the rubber band man! :-)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 April 2014):
 Ah, so you've been having sex with a guy you've been dating for less than 2 months. Though the 'dating' has gone by the wayside and we are left with sex only.
Create a gap. Be less available. Don't go over to his for sex only. If he isn't devoting his time to courting you and wooing you and wowing you then he's assumed you are his and he doesn't need to spend any time or money or frankly any effort beyond some intermittent texts.
If he doesn't step up and try to close the gap, then assign him to the 'well I tried' category.
There's a talk show host here in the US who believes that there should be no sex before 90 days as you are getting to know someone. He says it weeds out the ones who are in it just for the sex. It may be ancient and old-fashioned but it's not a bad idea, to wait for that.
Don't go over to his place for another month. Come up with other opportunities for date events and if he doesn't respond to those, well, OP, be a brave woman and end it.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great answers so far!
I really appreciate them!
To clarify, hooking up in this context means sex.
thanks again!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2014):
Decline the next hook up. Suggest a day out that isn't expensive as an alternative and observe his reaction. Maybe invite him over to yours for dinner with some of your friends to see if he's really interested in getting to know your friends as well as you.
You guys are really early in the relationship, I don't see that he's still trying to court you, maybe back off and be less available for now. Stop the expectation of continual texting.
If you think he thinks you are just a hook up then don't continue to hook up, ease back on the electronic communications and see if he finds the time to actually suggest a date…
And just to confirm here, what does "hooking up" mean in this question? A young teen might think it means kissing without being officially girlfriend/boyfriend. Some one else might think it means more sexual activity. What does "hooking up" mean in this context, OP? Thanks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2014): Is he broke or something? That would explain the lack of going out.
OP he could well only be in it for the hooking up or it could be that he's just forming a bad habit and being lazy.
Now your friends know you better than us, so if they say that the communication thing is not a big deal then maybe they're right.
My suggestion, OP, is if you don't just want to be a hook up then arrange proper dates.
You do have reason to be a bit concerned here, OP. A guy who's interested will make the effort, but that doesn't always mean constant texts and stuff. But going out and having dates is a bit of a must if only to make sure he doesn't get lazy about impressing you.
OP form better habits, date somewhere publicly where hooking up is not going to happen and see if he likes spending time with you as a person not just a pussy. By all means head to his for some fun too from time to time but be less available for hook ups and see what happens.
Keep your eye on how he responds to getting to know you as a person without the prospect of hooking up happening that day, because of course it's pointless going on a public date if you're just going to end up back in his place afterwards, defeats the purpose of testing his intentions.
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