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How do I justify my religion to a non Muslim when I don't believe it?

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Question - (10 January 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2008)
A female , anonymous writes:

hi, firstly if you are one of those closed minded people i do not want a reply because i;ve read a few questions regarding similar situations and some answers were down right rude!

I'm a 22 year old born into a muslim family girl, born here in the uk etc... lived in my parents country for a few years were i was more or less coaxed (forced) into wearing a headscarf.. I hate it,,, i understand it but hate it, its not me, i cant not wear it cos my parents will seriously go mad, however i dont wear it properly but i manage to cover my hair to keep them happy.

I've met a guy and he seems genuine, however i do not know how to explain it to him i mean how do u justify something ur not sure of? do i tell him or not,,, its a problem im gonna face with any guy i meet cos most guys im interested in arent muslims. that doesnt bother me i believe love knows no boundaries however i dont know what to do....some advice please :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

i am a non muslim female dating a muslim guy

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (10 January 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

You explain to the guy that your parents are traditional muslims and insist on you covering your head when you are around them.

This is not a unique problem, Gentiles who date Jewish people, Catholics who date Protestants all go through similar things. The bottom line is your boyfriend will know what your own values are and if he is a nice bloke will respect the fact that you don't want to upset your parents when you are with them.

The problem I can see here is if your relationship moves on and you guys want to start living together your parents will insist on you getting married or they may not approve of you dating a non muslim. These are the bigger issues as I see them, I think your boyfriend will most likely be understanding.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (10 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntIf they like you , they should understand it is your culture and religion. Wearing a headscarf is to denote that you are religious or pious and follow the teachings of your God.It is a sign of submission to your God .

It is just an external sign to tell non believers. God looks at your heart and not your externals. Many places have made it compulsory to wear them . Some parents are even willing to kill their children for not wearing them. This is really sad.

Since ,you still live with your parents , you have to obey them for their peace of mind. When you are older or married, you have a choice to wear or not or where and when to wear them.

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A female reader, leyan New Zealand +, writes (10 January 2008):

leyan agony auntHi,

I am a Muslim female too, I do not wear a head scarf, I understand it too, but it's not for me, tried years ago in Ramadhan, but I found myself just waiting for the Eid (end of Ramadhan) to take it off.

Well, I guess you can explain to the guy that you are only wearing it to please your parents.

You can't get your parents to understand that, you dont want to wear the head scarf, how on earth are you going to get them to understand a relationship you might have with a non Muslim?????

So I guess you should try first to make them accept that you do not want to wear alhijab, then you might have a chance with a non muslim to be acceppted by your family.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk more.

Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008):

If you want a successful relationship with a boyfriend you will be honest about, well, just about everything.

This means explaining that you cover your hair to keep your parents happy.

Any decent person would understand that you're caught between two cultures.

I say for your own sake you should try to be more honest with your parents, but I also understand that you are the best qualified to actually know just how much they can accept about the life you actually live as opposed to the life they think you lead.

Good luck regardless, dear.

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