A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for just under 3 years. Its been a turbulent relationship especially this last year. He lies most times, conceals his whereabouts, constant accusations and I am tired of defending who I am to him. He minimized his gambling addiction to me when we began. Makes very good money yet has nothing to show for it because he spends it excessively on his gambling addiction. He's asked me to marry him countless times, even recently put a deposit on an engagement ring. Then I asked about when he was planning on giving the ring to me. He lied said he's still paying it, but later the truth surfaced and he ended up getting a refund on the deposit to go gambling. That was a huge eye opener to me. He acts like its NO big deal. However, it is. I've asked him several times to get help. He goes for one or two sessions then quits. We've lived together I moved out last year. I was in school, and he went on a huge gambling spree. Didn't confide in my until we almost lost everything. I've been his bailout, but I've quit giving him money. He needs help but won't seek it. He's lost his marriage, claimed bankruptcy, and much more due to this. He blames me saying if I was there I could handle the finances. I was there and he would take payday advances, forged my cheque while I was away, pawned some of my things to get his fix. I'm tired and deserve stability. He flips out for hours accusing me of unfaithfulness which leaves me emotionally numb. How do I just tell him enough is enough so I can move on with my life without him going totally insane?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): You should pack your things one day while he's away and take them else where. Then call the police and see if you can get them to be on stand by when you tell your boyfriend it's over to his face. That way you have legit witness and if your boy friend is violent then he won't be quick to lash out if the police are there. Finally, cut off all contact. If you have mutual friends you should give them a break for a while. He needs help and you are not his mother or his psychiatrist. The only way he will get better is on his own. You did everything you could.
A
female
reader, cat lady  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Run! The guy is a nut and worse, a parasite. Imagine yourself living with a very large tick and that's what you've got there. This is only the beginning of your troubles for this boyfriend appears to have a mean streak to go with a weak backbone - they're the most dangerous type because everything they do is always somebody else's fault in their minds. You may even have to get a restraining order to get loose.
Stay away from broken and defective people. Most of them have been like that from childhood and there's nothing you can do to change a personality that's already set. The most dangerous frailty in women, alas, and one that gets thousands of them killed every year, is the one that convinces them that they are exceptions to every common sense rule and that they can reform a bad piece of work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Move out, cut all contact and do your best not to see him.
This man is poison and the sad thing is, he probably doesnt mean to be. He is just in the grips of an addiction which he obviously cannot control. There is nothing you can do to help as he has to want to change in order to stop the gambling. He clearly doesnt have any intention of stopping and you made the right choice by moving on.
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