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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate myself, because I feel ugly and disgusting. I'm not fat and people say I look ok, but average is not enough for me. I don't know what to do. Everytime I see a beautiful woman, I get depressed. So yes, I'm constantly depressed, every day, because on TV, papers or in real life, there are billions of beautiful women.My ex boyfriend liked a certain celebrity and I couldn't (and still can't) stop comparing myself to her. Once I asked him what he considered to be the ideal breast size, and he said that woman had the ideal breasts. Mine are much smaller and I just don't like them.I hate my appearance and even though I'm grateful for my health and intelligence, I just notice how this society is obsessed with beauty and I just feel like everyone's being cynical when they say that looks are the least important thing. Well why does society prove otherwise?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): Gr8 that you have put your heart here to get such good advices. Yes looks are important in all the areas of life, but they can be developed.God created us and every creation of his is unique.But our personality is what we develop ourselves.
I am saying this with my personal experience in life. I was very lean when I was in my teens and I was married at 20, very innocent and childlike.At my in laws place I was ctiticised for my leanness, and I used to crib and worry.I couldn't gain confidence in life.I tried to keep everyone happy and people used me.
One fine day I met a guy who was very different.Though he was not very good looking his confidence kept him going.He was my Boss and in casual converstions he told his way of thinking.He said he doesnt care who is crticising him or who doesnt like his looks.If they dont need him, he dont need them.He can only do what he can.He cant extend himself.It changed my thinking too. I stopped being very trdaitional, went for a haircut and dressed differntly. Lo......I looked very attractive and the world changed for me.
Though I was out of my teens by then and lost my life due to that inferiority complex,I gained a lot with the confidence I developed.I gained a bit weight once I gave a damn to the people who criticise me.
Now I am admired for my looks at this age.Guys much much younger to me plead for my freindship.
Hope someone gave me this confidence when I was young.
So I advice you not to pay attention for the people who criticise you.Nothing matters except your confidence in you. That gives you beauty and grace.Try to change your looks whichever feels good on you. dont crib. Every person is unique. we have a purpose to live.Respect Gods creation and developon it.
A
female
reader, prgirl71  +, writes (3 July 2010):
I wish I could be like all these other people on here and tell you that looks don't matter but I work in the entertainment industry and I know for a fact that it's not true. I know when I was young and skinny I walked into a room and OWNED it but when I got old and fat that was not the case....but take heart. All those issues are just ME and what my standards are. I think it's the same for you. If you're overweight (which I read you say that you aren't) then lose weight. If you hate your hair or eye color or whatever - color it - get extensions - get colored contacts. What I'm saying is do the things you have to do to make yourself feel like you are attractive..whatever YOU consider attractive. It all comes down to you and how you feel. Once you are confident - you will see a HUGE difference in how people treat and perceive you. I know girls that are not that conventionally pretty or are heavy set or super skeletal skinny that get a ton of attention from men because they are super confident and sure of themselves. This makes a huge difference! Be the best you can be and then be super confident in it - it makes a difference. I promise.
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female
reader, CassW  +, writes (3 July 2010):
Aww i'm sorry you feel this way. Another first step - get a haircut. Ask the stylist to do something they think would suite your face. Don't be afraid to be an individual! Next, change it up. If your not happy with your current 'look' then, fix it! Simply ask a makeup artist (at the shops), how you could enhance and point out your natural features. Get them to suggest and possibly show you how to physically do it. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF! That woman is a celebrity! She'd have a personal trainer, makeup artist, stylist and not to mention MONEY! Do I have to say plastic surgery?! And a lot of photos in magazines of her, would be airbrushed! Goodluck Hun!
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Every single person on this planet is beautiful including you doll!
Every one has times where they feel like you do about themselves so you are not alone in feeling this way. We are so heavily subjected to the idea of how a woman "Should" look nowdays through constant media bombardment that's its easy to lose sight of the fact that those people look the way they do because they are surrounded by teams of people who make them up, adjust lighting, strategically place fans and objects for maximum impact and many other little tricks. Then the resulting pictures are airbrushed and photoshopped until there are no natural features left thus making us feel like aliens because we have open pores or freckles or fat thighs. You can bet your last dollar that all those celebrites have lists of things they don't like about themselves too. It's human nature to be unhappy with things god has given us.
I want you to write a list of the things you like about yourself. e.g. beautiful eyes, sunny happy nature, good friends etc. Your like list will be a lot longer than your dislike list if you are really honest and cut yourself some slack.
You are beautiful trust me I know what I'm talking about. As for the ex boyfriend thank god he's your ex he's not worthy of your love. A real boyfriend will love your breasts, your thighs, your stomach, your face, your hair everything!!
We all know you are beautiful now it's up to you to believe us!! :-)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 What do you mean by "society prove otherwise"? Your boyfriend left you with some wrong images about what is ideal and what is not. What you need to remind yourself of is that what he deemed ideal is only ideal to him. And that these ideals can change with time and experience. People can imagine they want one thing, but once they get it they realize they actually want something else. It is hard to pin down one "ideal" that way.
When it comes to looks, you need to figure out what YOU find beautiful. And at the same time understand and accept that no one is "perfect" like a doll. It is our imperfections that makes us perfect, and if you are religious, the way God made you is perfect by itself. Natural is perfect.
You are allowed to disagree however. And most people would agree that certain things we don't want, such as being overweight or have wrinkles, no matter how natural they might be. But then it also comes down to what can you really do about it? You can work out, and if you do that you are doing something that is not only good for your looks, but also your body and mind. Then you can cut your hair, do facial masks and buy nice clothes. All of this should alone be everything you need to do.
If you are still unhappy you might want to think about this deeper and figuring out exactly why you don't like your body, and see a professional about it, such as a therapist.
In the meantime, stay away from men who can't tell you that you are the absolute most beautiful woman they have ever laid their eyes on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): I think every woman sees herself different to reality and I know I have really bad moments where I cannot stop comparing myself to the images the media projects to us, I've verged on anorexia before admitting to myself I had a problem and chaging how I look didn't make me feel any better and I had to learn to love myself.You should read a book by Louise Hay called You Can Heal Your Life. It teaches you how to really love you and accept you for the wonderful being you are. It sounds corny but it helped me. You should have a chat with your doctor and explain how feel and they may be able to offer a programme to help you become confident and happy again.
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female
reader, iloveyhoo  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Well if your a religious person-just think God made everyone and obviously hes happy with the way you look. you should be proud of the appearance god gave you.also think this way-you may only think the negative sides of you, and wehn you look in the mirror cause yur thinkin negative u dont see the postitive as your putting yourself down soo muchh .. alsso i dont know if you have discovered this theory but you NEVER see yourself in person, like a mirror is just a reflection its kind of the oppsoite way round, and pictures can ahve effects and your not looking at yourself directly, so just think whats the point in putting yourself down so much ?? celebrites get "made up" they get advice, haircuts all the time, make up done for them, if they were "normal" they wouldnt be half as pretty as they are now. so stop putting yourself down so much, everyone brings a different difference to this world, including you :)
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 My young friend, Everyone hates the way they look! Trust me no one but maybe the Hollywood set thinks they are "just right" You only need to work on your inner beauty because that is the ONLY thing that counts...self esteem is for the efite snobs that strut their stuff. You don't want to be a stuck-up B either do you? The false crowd ends up being shuned by the normal folks in the end. Remember one thing , God don't make junk!" you are going to feel like that swan in the "Ugly Duckling" story someday. Just breathe and enjoy your youth...it only comes around once don't blow it all bothered about trying to look some way or another. When you find love it will be the most intense feeling you'll ever know remember to cherish it. live,laugh and love - the rest is Bull S
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): I really think you need to put things into perspective... Looks are only important to those who think they are, if you are always judging others for having whatever appearance whether it's good or bad you expect to be judged yourself and become paranoid and self-conscious.But I still stand by that you need to put things into perspective because there are people in the world who can't even afford to eat, or who live in war zones. Just be grateful for anything good you have got because it is all you have!
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