A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok i have a problem with a friend of mine. she is 22 and almost acts and dresses like a 13 year old girl. she has never had a relationship, but really wants one, but she can't talk to guys or even flirt. i've tried to match make her with some guys, but they just are not interested. i want to help her, but i'm starting to think she can only help herself. has anyone got any ideas that may give her a confidence boost and turn her into a 22 year old woman?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
I think it's only a really good friend (or a stranger on the internet) that can be brutally honest and come out the other side with the same level of friendship.
You can either stand her in front of the mirror and tell her you think it's her dress sense that's putting guys off, and tell her all the other things she is doing wrong, or you can back away and leave her to fend for herself for a while.
You say she can't talk to guys - do you mean like she physically clamps up? If so then take her out and get her some male friends, not dates so she has a chance to talk to them and get over her fear.
She has to learn to be herself and open up to a guy at the end of the day, you are right there, but I think a couple of home truths from you said in an honest way and because you are her friend, might help.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (24 October 2008):
 You need to start off by changing how she dresses, this will make her feel more like a women and not some teenager, maybe a makeover as well? Start off by improving her self confidence before you drop her into the deep end. If you keep introducing her to guys and they just reject her, it will have a negative affect.
You say guys aren't interested in her, is she fairly unattractive or do they just get turned off by the way she dresses and acts?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): If she can't talk to guys and can't flirt she really has problems because as you've found out her whole demeanour is going to put guys off, her body language will be all wrong and no matter how much you try to match make it will come unstuck immediately a guy sees her, non verbal communication will see to that.
You are right in a sense that she isn't helping her cause if your post is correct by dressing below her years, you could always try and take her to a theme club or pub where she would need to dress to suit the style, that would at least have her looking the part then see if guys approach her and encourage her to socialise with them, go shopping with her even if it's window shopping and show her the fashion styles for 20 something women that will make her look good in a mirror, it is all about instilling confidence, buy a book there must be an 'essential guide to flirting' they are always a good laugh and we all like one of those by reading it and trying it out in a shopping centre or club, that way you get a message across without preaching. The rest is down to your friend...growing up but for you can't keep match making for her... at some point she will have to come out of her shell.
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