A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a 17-year-old daughter, Kaitlyn, and she told me some quite disturbing news the other day.I've never had any real issue with Kaitlyn being a lesbian; Kaitlyn told me that it's who she is, but she hates the politicization of LGBT issues.She hates how people think all lesbians are butch, even though her and her ex-girlfriend are both feminine lesbians; as it is, Kaitlyn is very feminine in behavior and said she can't really relate to butch lesbians very well, finds it a struggle to talk to them about anything (she knows this from experience at LGBT social activities).He told me how, a year ago, her ex-girlfriend Lauren (not her real name) has made allegations about her which are nonsense; Lauren claimed "Kaitlyn wore my bikinis in my house without consent, and when I said no, touched my boobs without consent, on 15 February 2020 in the afternoon; she then told me to fuck off and that she could wear my bikinis." and posted this on social media.However, on 15th February 2020 in the afternoon, we were at a family party that my sister (Kaitlyn's aunt) hosted, so she couldn't have done it; we were 80 miles away from where Lauren lived and it would have been impossible to get there and back in that timeframe.Kaitlyn told me that Lauren was very rich, and she ended it when she began getting aggressive towards her and demanding that she buy her loads of candy and a beater Honda Civic (IN CASH, yes, a $1.5k Honda Civic), she played me a WhatsApp message from Lauren which she sent her at Christmas 2020 saying "You FUCKING will get back with me", and one from December 2019, saying "We're the power couple... you ain't gonna end it with me".Kaitlyn ended it with Lauren for two reasons; concern over her mental health and that she couldn't fit in with Lauren's family's extremely rich background and their rich friends.Kaitlyn is a good kid, although she's told me how Lauren's kept harassing her, and that contacting her parents wouldn't do much good, since they'd probably accuse us of lying; she told me how Lauren's dad said "Your mom's probably gonna get hooked on crystal meth one day, it's what all Texans from poor backgrounds do, you'll find her drunk, high on angel dust and crystal meth, stoned out of her mind", and she said "Don't be mean about mom, and don't be anti-Texan, either".FWIW, we're Texans who moved to California and we do have a prominent accent; maybe not the stereotypical Texas twang, but yes, it's very prominent. We've been in California for 2.5 years now.My daughter told me she wants help but does not know who to turn to for this.I can't go to her dad as he died when Lauren was only 18 months old; he died of natural causes; I've been a single mom ever since.Kaitlyn has shown me the constant messages from Lauren begging to get back together.Do we go to the cops, or Lauren's parents? Would the cops even intervene or see this as a domestic dispute?As it is, Kaitlyn wants a new girlfriend, but the pandemic is stopping her for now.How can I be a good mom and help my daughter, especially as she wants help with this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2021): If someone makes threats and false-accusations by phone or online, save all the messages and voicemails. Do not delete them! Report them to the police, and consult a lawyer.
You shouldn't expect her parents (or any parents) not to defend their kid's bad-behavior; but you shouldn't naively trust that they would take your complaints seriously either. If your daughter knows the other young-lady suffers from mental-illness; she should have been a little more careful about whom she chooses as her friends, and should not be so quick to share her sexual-orientation with people she isn't sure she can trust. She is old enough to know that much!
This is precisely why it's dangerous or unwise for "kids" to come-out as gay to just anyone; when they're too young! They are not always emotionally able to handle phobic-behavior, spiteful exes, or being publicly exposed or ridiculed by bullies and enemies. It's tough enough for us grown-ups!
If your daughter is continuously accepting the messages and making no effort to block them, the question is definitely going to arise. Why not? If they're both under 17, these are threats that obviously can't be backed-up; and if Lauren is copying the texts or messages to others, she's exposing her bad-behavior to witnesses. That's pretty dumb!
If these are just scary messages, I'm not sure Lauren can really do any real harm. If after all this time nothing has been done to your daughter; you're all aware that those silly messages being sent demanding candy and a car can't be enforced. Why have you waited so long without reporting the threats to the police and WhatsApp?
She can always change her phone number, and report the threats to the WhatsApps Help Center and follow the prompts to submit a complaint. Maybe she should close her account for the time-being! She can't stop people from saying mean things about her.
Just making insulting remarks without naming any names or exposing specific identification of a person falls under freedom of speech. If no-one's name is actually mentioned, you can file a complaint for the person to stop; but you can also block them from contacting you. The smears or accusations with no witnesses and proof are just threats; unless someone files an official complaint or charges against you and your daughter.
If libel and slander has smeared your reputations, or caused either of you any losses; a lawyer will tell you your rights, and file suit if you have any legal recourse.
This is just delinquent juvenile behavior; and I don't believe much will come of it to really harm anyone, aside from stressing you both out. If no cops have knocked at your door, there are no official rape charges filed.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2021):
 I'd contact a lawyer first.
Secondly, I'd print out ALL "Lauren's" allegations so you have something to GIVE said lawyer and perhaps later the Police.
The other girl is basically smearing your daughter's reputation and calling her a rapist (the touch without consent). So I would DEFINITELY contact a lawyer which CAN make it easier to have Facebook remove ANYTHING posted on the other girl's social media.
This needs to be nipped in the bud. If the lawyer wants to make contact with the parents or police or both, I'd follow that advice.
I'd also advise your daughter to BLOCK this girl from EVERYTHING.
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