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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I feel very confused about how to help a grown up daughter.She is quiet responsible, but she had some tough family times behind her. She lost her sibling to suicide, and it created many problems later on for the whole family.I was always worried about her,and now she is have some personal crises on her own, with boyfriend , work , university. Those are normal things in life, but I worried she might be more damaged, because of her history.Yet , I don't want to enable her, and chose for her what to do. However, I feel sorry for her, not to have a happy life. My question is, am I able to help her figure out things, or its better ,if she figures out everything on her own. I do help her with some money, but I have no good ideas for her what to do with her personal problems about education, work and relationship balance. How can I help properly in this situation? Thanks
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Unless she's acting suicidal herself, or talking about being so hopeless in life that life isn't worth living, she'll probably manage her problems just fine and it's already a comfort to her that you are available to her anytime she needs to talk. Sometimes it's not so much that we expect someone to solve our problems, but it's nice to have a few pointed suggestions from someone else's perspective, or just bouncing things off of, and then she'll come to her own conclusion. If she starts acting really strange (depressed) buy her some counseling sessions especially if she stops opening up to you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Tell her just that.
I really would like to help you in any way I can with anything I can, if you need me tell me what you need. I'm always here for you if you just need to talk.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Since she's an adult there's only so much you can do. I think just being there for her when she needs you is the best and most important thing.
Her personal problems e.g. boyfriend, are hers to sort out on her own. Unless this guy is violent or a drug user, i think you should just let her sort it out. If she needs a shoulder to cry on then be there for her but that's it.
When it comes to her educations problems, what are they exactly? You say she's in university? Is she not enjoying it there?
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A
female
reader, dummyduckling  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 mmy mum is in a simmalar situation with me. although i havent lost a sibling i have lost many friends and consequently ended up alone and in alot of issues i couldnt handle alone. my mum helped me by sitting me down one day and making it perfectly clear that she is always there if i needed help. and if i wanted to seek out professional help that it wasnt weakness it was strength and she would be behind me 100% have you tried this with your daughter? she regularly has conversations with me about my issues and how im getting on, and just re-assuring me that she is there for me at all times. i learnt many lessons on my own, but no child is too old for some TLC and advice from their mother :) i really hope this helps
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