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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: It would be wonderful to get some insight regarding how to get over something. I would like to share my life with someone, but I have been feeling a little down. I have always had guys as close friends and never got into a serious relationship with a guy because I saw them as friends, even though I know I'm straight. Lately though I am beginning to realize that people eventually want to share their lives with someone and I realize that maybe I was really searching for a mate with the qualities I want in a best friend. I'm 32 years old and an American woman. I live in Mexico right now... I think Mexican guys are amazing but I feel like my chances with a nice guy (there are many nice guys here) are slim because of my age and the fact that I'm an American. All the desirable guys my age or older have girlfriends or wives and families... and a younger guy would deserve someone young and attractive, not someone like me. i don't think anyone younger than me would be interested and if he were, he would deserve so much better than a woman like myself, 32 years old and not even that nice of a person. I have made a series of wonderful friends, most of whom are guys. I have always felt closer to guys and feel that they get me in a way that other women don't. I WANT them to be happy, and not a day goes by that I don't pray for their happiness. But, I know that eventually they are going to find girlfriends and marry and have their own families, it's part of the circle of life. I can't help but imagine how lonely I'll feel when that happens. I feel truly blessed to have their friendship but I know that the circle of life continues and one day they'll have to be close to their mate and families. When the time comes I will accept that because I want them to be happy, but it makes me a little sad to think about it. I would like to share my life, but I am 32 years old and an American woman. I am super attracted to Latin guys, but most guys my age and older have girlfriends or even more, wives and families. I don't think a younger guy would be interested in someone my age. I feel that he would deserve someone he's attracted to and can be happy with. I don't think I'm destined to find someone. People say that I shouldn't close the door on guys from my own culture, and (no offense to US guys) I KNOW that I'm attracted just to Latino guys. Nothing wrong with other cultures, I am just not attracted to anyone else. Did I miss the train? How do I get over it?Thank you if you can help me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 "An American guy with Hispanic heritage is still going to be like any other American guy. He won't be any different than an Anglo saxon guy raised in the United Sates... he won't be loving, kind, romantic or sweet..."
It's so sad that you think there aren't loving, kind, romantic, sweet American guys. Maybe this isn't so much about what the men are like but more about how your thinking processes are sabotaging your stated goals.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): An American guy with Hispanic heritage is still going to be like any other American guy. He won't be any different than an Anglo saxon guy raised in the United Sates... he won't be loving, kind, romantic or sweet... all the things I want. OMG it looks like I just need to get over wanting a bf...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I don't want to settle for someone I don't love! I'm not racist but I realize now that white American guys just aren't ever gonna make my heart jump! I want someone I am really going to be happy with... I have my heart set on a Latino. I don't want to settle for someone that I'm not happy with or attracted to. i don't wanna be an old lady with cats but sometimes I feel like I'm destined to.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 June 2011):
 You're going to have to lower your standards in some area or another. The average and median age of marriage is lower in Mexico than in America. Even here, Latinos get married earlier than white folks. What that means is that, as you've noticed, the pool of available guys is smaller. It also means that Mexican men will be less inclined to see someone of your age as marriage material compared to an American.
Age: don't worry about age, worry about a compatible match. Couples where the woman is older are more difficult to pull off, but certainly not impossible. You may find a single man older than yourself, in which case you'll have to make your romantic intentions clear early. Start dating, then evaluate his husband potential. If he has potential, display your own potential-wife virtues.
Race: The pickier you are, the harder a time you'll have. It's math. You haven't missed the train yet, but the more you limit yourself, the more likely you will.
Wealth: you didn't mention it, but it's worth pointing out - don't limit yourself based on economic status. You've obviously managed to provide for yourself this long, so if money's on your list of requirements, drop it.
Personality: Look for reliable rather than exciting. You didn't mention this one, either, but it's a pretty common thing for women to screen for without thinking about it. The men in your life who you see as friends may just be too reliable and not exciting enough. If that's the case, reconsider it.
There's no reason you can't keep searching, if you're willing to take an active role and be realistic about your options. The pool of eligible men is smaller and less exciting at 32 than it would have been at 22, but it still exists.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I appreciate the advice but I don't identify with American men at all. Almost all Americans have ancestors from other countries, most of mine were immigrants, but you reflect the culture you grow up in. An American guy will be culturally American... I want a guy who is sweet and loving like the Mexican guys I'm friends with. American guys just seem cold... no offense to them, some are nice but they're not for me. I only want a Mexican guy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 June 2011):
What about dating American men of Hispanic heritage? Someone suggested on one of your questions on this topic that you try moving to L.A. or any of the many towns with a rich Latino heritage. This would mitigate the culture gap and would give you a greater pool of potential mates. There's also Buenos Aires, for example among other major South American cities with international populations.
I know this may sound a bit harsh, but you sound very desperate and unhappy and honestly, this can be very off-putting to potential partners. Are you really sure your decisions have put you where you really want to be? Maybe a thorough and honest self-assessment is in order. Ask your close friends what you've told us and ask them how to maximize your chances for finding a mate from their particular cultural pool. You may hear things you don't like, but they could set you on the right track.
I didn't marry until I was 34. I just heard about a lovely couple's wedding, the bride was 82. I'm not sure why you feel there's no hope?
Maybe don't give up, maybe just relax and treat this like a job hunting problem. What are the requirements for the position? Do you have those? What are you missing? What are your obstacles? Get yourself assessed by experts and then address those gaps.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Hey, I appreciate your advice but it's not really that I have a closed mind. I just have a different sexual orientation than most girls... I was never interested in guys from my own culture. Nothing wrong with them but I just realized at a young age that I lack the necessary chemistry to be attracted to them. I am very attracted to Latino guys and have my heart set on winding up with one... I just worry that it's too late!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 the older we get the dating pool gets smaller. you are making it smaller still by limiting yourself to 'just Latino guys'. of course we all have preferences and i am not trying to tell you to be less choosy, but be more open minded, give a different sort of guy at least a chance. you may be pleasantly surprised. and by the way 32 is still young so you are not exactly an old maid just yet! get yourself out and about as much as you can, for opportunities
x
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