A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My dad called late last night, woke my baby up and left a hateful sounding message on my voicemail. It has been bothering me all last night (I couldn't sleep) and today. I am 26, my dad left my mom when I was 4, and moved out of state. I see him maybe twice in 5 years. Well, I got married last weekend, he couldn't make it because his job had "corporate meetings". I talked to his wife yesterday for a long time while he was at work just about how the wedding went, etc. and I emailed them some wedding pics. The message my dad left said "It's your father, I have some issues I need to discuss with you. Call me back immediately" He sounded like a jerk too. I asked my sisters and brother if they knew what it was and they said no. I called him back this morning at 8 a.m. and his phone was shut off and I left him a message that said "I got your message, call me back so we can talk about these issues, which I have NO idea what you're talking about because I have done nothing wrong to my knowledge" It's 3;30 now and he hasn't called me, and he knows I am going to a wedding soon so I won't be talking to him later. I just find it really disrespectful him calling me late when he knows I am pregnant and have a 5 mo. old baby, and he leaves a hateful message, I couldn't sleep last night, he doesn't say what the problem is, then I call him back, his phone's off and he doesn't call me back so now I keep thinking about it. The only thing I can even think that it could be is I told my step mom that my mom's husband walked me down the aisle, but we never even rehearsed the ceremony so I didn't know that was even going to happen I told her (which is the truth) when I told her she said "oooh I'm not going to tell your father about that" It's like, my mom and step dad threw me this wedding, my dad didn't come so what does he want from me? What do you guys think? I think he was drunk last night when he called, (he drinks on weekend nights,often when he calls he's drinking) I keep wondering if I did something wrong, but I don't want to kiss his ass because I really don't think I have done anything at all. My sister told me that he is an idiot and that I shouldn't let his stupidity get to me and that he was probably just drunk. My mom said he always made her feel bad when they were married, that her stomach was constantly in knots. He is a manipulative liar too. But he is my dad and I don't want him to be mad at me. What do you think I should be feeling at this point? What action (if any) should I take now? Thank you.
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at work, drunk, hasn't called, liar, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Hi
Personally I think you have already done well. Your father sounds as if he has a few issues about himself to me and perhaps his reaction is all about feeling guilty that he is a bit of a shit! If he is ringing you so late and intoxicated then he is not worth addressing in this state anyway. If I got a message like that I would first "never" ring back immediately - and my reply back altermately will be something like "what do you want to get off your chest?" then quiet. If he doesn't spit it out in a mature manner then I would just say - "dad if you have a problem with anything then you need to handle it and don't ring again at that time it was not an acceptable message to leave - where you drunk dad? I think this may put him in his place. Sound like nothing hear is something you have responsibility for and you have your own life to lead without him in it. Cheerish the good people in your life and whilst it is hard because he is your father, step back, take a look at him and see if it is even worth worrying about. It sounds also like your a member of his family that he can get to and manipulate so its over to you how much time and stress you give him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): I haven't really got an answer to your problem, but I just wanted to say that I can relate to the way you are feeling. I am of a similar age, my parents separated when I was 3, and I have relationship issues with my Dad that I constantly beat myself up over even though they are never my fault.
My advice would be to try and not feel bad for the situation (I know that's easier said that than done) and be honest with everyone. If he has a problem with the situation let him deal with that issue, it's not your problem it is his. Be happy that you are married and look forward to treating your children better than he has treated you.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, ellakate +, writes (23 September 2007):
I can completely understand why you would feel upset and why you would not want him to be upset with you, but you don't owe this guy anything. If he is upset with you its completely illogical. Try to enjoy your husband and baby and try not to let his message bother you, he clearly doesn't have your or your families best interests at heart.
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