A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21, male, never had a girlfriend. Been attracted to a few girls before, but I was always too scared to do anything about it. Anyway, I've met this kind, caring girl whose been my friend for several months now. Shortly after meeting her I became somewhat attracted to her (rare for me), but I dismissed it because I recognized I didn't know her very well. As I got to know her though, I became more and more attracted to her (usually it's the other way around for me), because she is so truly nice and generous and caring. Unfortunately, I feel that a relationship between us is unadvisable for several reasons (different backgrounds, a couple years age gap, different friends, different interests, different personality types), so I would like to keep her as a great friend. I think she would be a great best friend, but I just can't stop fantasizing about our relationship becoming something more. I just don't know how to get over it.I was once in a similar predicament with another girl a couple years ago, and I never said anything to her about how I felt. I knew a serious relationship was impossible, so, as painful as it was for me, I severed contact with her as I felt that was the only way I could stop thinking about her and move on with my life. The problem is, I still do think about that incident regularly because it seems unresolved in my mind.With the new girl, I don't know what to do. I can't really sever contact with her at this point for a few reasons I won't go into. Plus, I don't want another unresolved situation. I guess I could just try and forget about it and wait for the right person whom I can be in a relationship with, but I fear that won't happen because my past just keeps weighing down upon me so hard. I've been thinking that maybe I should tell her how I feel since we're close friends and we feel comfortable sharing our (other) feelings, but I am afraid because I don't know how that will affect our friendship. I don't want to lose her and I don't want her to be offended by the fact that I will not pursue a relationship. It seems like a conflict between closure for me/ability to move on and the potential loss of a great friend. This is hurting me more and more each day and hindering my life, I really need to figure out what to do. Thanks.
View related questions:
best friend, move on, never had a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2009): Your 21, you have never dated, you only live once, you care for her, hell just tell her how you feel, let her know you dont want to ruin your friendship, first and foremost, but would she be interested on going on a date. Ask her. What is the worst that could happen? If she is a real friend she would be flattered and understanding. If she says hey lets just be friends then leave it at that. You know why? What happens if you never ask her and you always wonder? What happens if some other guy sweeps her up and leaves you in the dust? Life is chance.
|
