A
male
age
41-50,
*intage Ink
writes:I'm seeing a married woman and we're very much in love. She is in an abusive marriage and things are soon coming end. We see each other a couple times a week and communication can be spotty when she is at home. We have discussed our future together extensively. I am willing to wait for her but I'm not sure how I should conduct myself until we're together. I don't want to apply too much pressure but I want her to know I am here for her. I feel like I'm in limbo. How do I handle myself to keep her wanting to be with me but not pushing her away at the same time?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 February 2014):
 You are in limbo. And you will always be in limbo because in situations like this, the woman (or man) hardly EVER leaves. Ultimately, she's cheating on her husband because something is missing emotionally. You say she's in an abusive relationship, and that very well may be true. But either way, she's not being fulfilled emotionally by this man. That's why women cheat - for emotional reasons. you're her crutch. She's using you for what she needs emotionally. But don't think for a second that if she started getting what she wanted/needed from her husband, she wouldn't drop you like a hot plate in a heartbeat. Because ultimately, that's what she wants - his love and his attention. I don't care what she's telling you.
Best thing you can do for yourself is remove yourself from this situation. Let her leave her husband first, and then start something. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for misery, heartbreak, and a lot of waiting. I'd she loves you as much as she claims, the thought of losing you will make her leave her husband faster.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): If she's in an abusive relationship; she is going to need recovery time after her divorce.
No one can just walk out of a marriage right into a new relationship. Divorce is hell. An abusive marriage is bigger hell.
She may not be so in-love afterwards.
There are issues of division of property and assets. If he is abusive, he isn't going to just quietly allow her to walk away without a good fight. He is going to upset her world in every way he can, and being with another man may be the last thing she'll want after that.
People coming out of bad marriages are very unpredictable; because their emotions are all over the place.
Continue to be nice and supportive. You are in limbo, and so is she.
She may have post traumatic stress syndrome from her marriage that may require therapy and professional counseling. The transition into another relationship may not run as smoothly as you think. Psychologically and physically-abused women don't easily adapt into new relationships without signs of previous abuse. There will be residual behavior you will not find very appealing; or will find confusing. If she is truly in an abusive relationship as you say.
You can't judge things by an affair. That's a cry for help.
I somehow feel you're leaving out a lot of important details. I sense it.
They still live together; which means they must have only recently filed. If at all.
There are no guarantees and really nothing much anyone can advise you when you're waiting for a married-person in the midst, or early stages of a divorce. You play it by ear.
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