A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Often when I go on dates with guys, it becomes apparent to me quite quickly if I'm interested or not. I'm always respectful and kind on dates. But I have a very flirtatious smile, so often if I smile too much, I notice guys are responsive and want sex or to get to know me better. I also notice too much eye contact gives wrong impression. How do I handle dates with respect and grace where I don't want more. I don't want to lead guys on, but frequently when I'm friendly they got wrong impression. And If im not friendly I'm called cold and rude. When I go on dates and guys are not interested, I can usually read that, it doesn't feel good, but I handle it.
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 Honesty is the best policy. Be honest. Especially since it's well within your right to be. If you don't want what he wants; let him know.
A
male
reader, TylerSage  +, writes (1 April 2018):
 Apologies OP. I could have sworn I saw female as the gender here. If you're a gay man I think that makes everything much more easier. Men will expect directness even more from you. I think most of what I said in my previous post is still relevant.
You're friendliness gives the wrong impression. Your lack of friendliness makes you appear cold. You're not getting the results you want because you keep avoiding what you need to do. Be honest, humble and thoughtful of their feelings. Again, treat others the way you wish to be treated. You may be surprised at what your straight-forwardness could lead too.
All the best.
Thanks for the update @Youcantbeserious.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 April 2018):
 @TylerSage: This post is from a MALE.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (1 April 2018):
I partially agree with @Youcantbeserious. Instead of a long, drawn out dinner date, try to arrange get-togethers that are expected to be short, like a lunch or breakfast date, a quick cup of coffee or a morning run which can help to determine if you want to spend more time with the person.
Women often say that don't want to be hurtful to others, but a number of their techniques to avoid doing this, in my opinion, seems to do the total opposite. The whole fake call, emergency at home, OMG-she-did-what-I-have-to go routine is VERY well known and I'm sure the guys you show interest aren't stupid, they can tell when a woman is coming up with excuses to leave a date. Personally, the fake call technique is 10x more hurtful because it's quite clear what you're doing but instead of being honest you're lying by trying to mask it so as to "not hurt his feelings". You said it yourself, your friendliness keeps giving the wrong impression. I'd like to think he won't bite you if you just let him know that know what you want but it's not with him and you appreciate the time you guys spent together....Grace and respect.
You can't expect to do things like that but then complain when a guy "doesn't call you back"...it's the same thing. Simply treat people the way you would want to be treated. How would you want a guy to treat you if he didn't want to go any further with you? Remember women read emotion and vibes more, men read directness and verbalization.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 April 2018):
Perhaps make the first couple of dates short lunch time coffee dates so you can get away easily? You could always arrange for a friend or colleague to phone you part way through with a "work emergency" which would give you the excuse to leave even earlier if you really felt it was pointless to continue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): You're talking about gay-men here! If you go on a date they're usually expecting or hoping for something to happen.
You're not making much sense. If there's not going to be sex, there's not going to be sex. You can smile all you like.
How can you invite someone out on a romantic-date and expect no eye-contact? Why did you ask them out, or accept the invitation? Dating is going out with someone with the intent of pursuing romance. Otherwise; you're just hanging-out.
Perhaps you should define the purpose of your being together. If you call it a date, they expect you to do things people date for.
It also depends if you met them on a hookup app or dating site. Hookup sites are strictly about sex. No games!
You're only leading people on when you mess around with their sensitivities; and/or bait people for attention. Only to appease your own vanity; or if you just like people to stroke your ego.
Establish on the onset if you're asking guys out for pleasure and company; or if you just like being admired.
When people don't know where you're coming from, you use your words.
Sometimes you just want to hangout and get to know a guy; and see where things go from there. So you might put that out there on the first-date. Inform the guy you don't prefer sex on the first-date, and sometimes it may never happen. I've never had a problem letting people know my intentions.
Smiling doesn't really have as much of an impact on people as you're indicating. It's the body-language and the intensity of flirting. But dude, you're talking about gay guys! They don't go out with you, unless they find you attractive.
I'm gay too! Guys usually have sex on the brain. I'd expect your post to be written by a female. You're a guy, so you know how a guy thinks. Not interested in sex? All you've got to do is say so. Unless you're so totally irresistible men just can't take no for an answer!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2018):
 Honestly?
Cut the date short. If He isn't interested or YOU aren't interested. Why WASTE more time on a date that isn't enjoyable for either of you and hold no "real" purpose?
Smiling is fine, I wouldn't worry about that. You smiling CERTAINLY doesn't mean you owe someone sex or that you HAVE to sit for hours being polite!
Be you.
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