A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently left two days ago for a two week family vacation to Hawaii, a seven hour time difference behind my time. He is waking up around the late afternoon/dinnertime for me and it is just terrible. We have been dating for over two years and we have an amazing relationship. We see each other between three and four times a week, he attends my soccer games to cheer me on, when I am upset for any reason he always picks me up for a drive to talk about it and clear my head... He is my bestest friend and my biggest support system. We've been apart before, last year he went on a family trip to Europe for two weeks as well, but the time difference wasn't nearly as bad and he went away during studies so I had class every day as well as homework to keep me occupied. Now he is gone away in the middle of the summer and the past two days he has been gone have literally dragged on by the second. I have anxiety to begin with, without him being gone. I have recently started seeing a therapist and receiving massage therapy once a month to help me cope with my personal anxiety. But since he has left my anxiety has skyrocketed. Since the moment I hugged him goodbye I have had this massive lump in my throat, my chest feels heavy, and I have had tears behind my eyes almost the entire time. In the past two nights I think I have collectively had five or six hours of sleep because when it is bedtime here it is the afternoon where he is and I find it so hard to go to sleep knowing that I am able to talk to him if I just pick up my phone. I even vomited twice last night in the middle of the night. I understand how ridiculous this all sounds, he is only gone for two weeks and I am putting myself through all of this. I really wish I didn't feel like this when we were apart, I just can't help but constantly worry about him while he is away and it is consuming my life. I have been trying to keep myself occupied, I have made plans with friends but I still have him at the front of my mind during all of these activities no matter how hard I try to push him aside to focus on the present moment. I am not looking to be criticized, I am aware how ridiculous this all sounds. I understand that there are people who can't see their partner for months on end, trust me I already feel selfish enough. I am just looking for somebody who may also have anxiety who knows what I am experiencing and might be able to help me a bit. I know my feelings appear ridiculous, I am just looking for some help to seem a little less ridiculous.Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2017): You have a whole life to live.You are vomiting, not sleeping and in a state because of someone who has gone away from you for a while.I get the feeling that it is him who misses you more than you him and because he doesn't want to feel that way, he put it all on you in that last cuddle. It was the cuddle of death.Here's a really good spiritual exercise to keep yourself free from such vampirism.Close your eyes and imagine he's standing infront of you. Give him what you have of him, like passing the baton, just pass him back himself and then take back yourself from him. Then smile at him and then walkaway. You are you... be happy! This is how God created you.he is himself, let him have that.This will benefit you and your precious life now and in all future relationships. Do not give yourself to others so much. Keep yourself to yourself and do it all with love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2017): Sweetheart, please be very careful about pulling so close to other people. It's not healthy for either of you. I noticed your age-group above your post, and I also took into account that you suffer an anxiety disorder. You should be discussing these rough feelings with your therapist.
No matter how much you care for each other, your growing dependency isn't healthy. You have to have your own identity and space. He has to getaway to breathe, or you could smother him right out of your life.
It's normal to miss someone, but the separation-anxiety that you're describing is extreme. I can't see anyone able to handle that much adoration and fixation without feeling cramped. It's not ridiculous, it's symptomatic of your anxiety disorder. You just need to spread the love a little broader among others. You have a very loving soul. Just remember, he's human. Not the air you breathe.
I think the separation is really good for you. You center your entire world around this boy;, and you shouldn't do that. You should have other friends, hobbies, and other activities you can turn to that will keep you stimulated, active, and healthy. You're no one's property. You're a free and separate soul.
Cramping and clinging to people with too much love can also drive them away. So speak to your therapist about helping you to feel more of a sense of individuality. Determine ways you can overcome the "withdrawal" you feel when he's not always there to cling to. Make sure he feels liberated, even when you're close.
If he had to go away to school or a job, or decided to move on; you'd be totally devastated. You are both young, and you should be able to spread your wings and fly. To explore life, travel, and feel the freedom of being an individual.
Life drives us apart, in order that we may grow, and to challenge us as individuals. You must also be your own woman. That gives you power and strength. Necessary for your survival.
If you behave this way for only two weeks, you should really be working on controlling such intense feelings. You need to be able to function, feel happy and free; even when he has to be away for awhile. He should feel able to go about his life freely; without worrying how devastated and upset you are in his absence.
It's great to love someone dearly, and miss them painfully when they're away. I have to travel for work, and I have my boyfriend's picture as my screen-saver on my lap-top and tablet. I get a bit mushy myself, being truly honest. I just do things to distract myself, and it helps a lot. DC is great for that. Share your feelings with us sometimes. Tell us a few stories.
It shouldn't make you physically-ill when you're apart; and such a violent reaction borders on obsession. I really hope your therapist is aware of these emotions, and keeping close tabs on you. What you described in your post seems like a crisis; and your therapist should be informed in order to offer you professional advice and support.
Feel free to come back and tell us how things are going!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (31 July 2017):
 For what it's worth, we both also have anxiety too. You just have to learn not to be so unhealthily attached. If you break up, you need to be stronger than you're allowing yourself to be now. Please speak to your therapist about it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (31 July 2017):
I'm away from my boyfriend for weeks at a time. We see each other for a couple of days per month because he's at university. Two weeks is genuinely nothing when it's a one-off.
Be busy. Focus on other things. Don't cling. Learn to stay independent from your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 July 2017):
 It's just 2 weeks, OP
Keep busy and it will FLY by.
And accept he is THERE to enjoy his vacation with his family not constantly talk to you and calm you.
If you want to write him a LONG email (and make it an UPLIFTING one, not a sad one) or send him some pictures ( not naughty ones but good ones of you smiling or being goofy) So he CAN look at that when he misses you. Or make some cute little snap chat stories for him to wake up to.
It's 14 days and 2 have already passed. So 2 down, 12 to go.
You can do it. Pamper yourself, read those books you wanted to read but haven't, spend time with family and friends.
While it might FEEL like a long time, it really isn't.
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