A
female
age
30-35,
*elodia
writes:Hello everyone, I feel like if everything has been going wrong lately. It all started in April when i got expelled from school, it was my senior year, i was supposed to finish this December. What happened wasn't really my fault and hopefully the school may realise this eventually.When that happened it felt like my world just crashed. Meanwhile my mum got a heart attack and my brother died (car accident), and my other brother lost his son, I lost my job, all of those things happened between April and October this year (my mum just had a heart attack, a week ago, but she is better now). I feel very depressed, i don’t understand how all these things can happen to my family and I. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I have lost so much weight, I am really in a bad place right nowI love my boyfriend, and he is a good man. He just finished college and got offered a very good job out of state, he is doing very well, and I am very happy for him, I am really. However,at the same it feels like everything is wrong in my life and everything is right in his life. Every time he calls me he tells me about all these wonderful things happening to him, and it makes me feel even worse, because it makes me realize how miserable my life is for the moment. Right now, I don’t feel like talking to him or anyone else for that matter. I am afraid of taking my frustration on everyone around me. How can I tell him that without causing problems, I am not asking for a break, but I want space for myself. I want to be able to breath and process everything on my own. Ps: Please don’t judge me, about school or anything else. All I am asking right now is the way to survive through all this. Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): First of all I am very sorry for your losses. Losing your brother and nephew is so sad. I really think you need some bereavement counselling to help you. It can make a big difference as I found out after my brother passed away. So I would recommend you give it a try for yourself.It is good to hear that your mother is recovering. Try and eat, even if it is just small portions of healthy food. Right now your mum doesnt need any extra worry and she will worry if she sees you fading away. So make yourself eat something and let her see that you are taking care of yourself. You need strength to battle adversity and that means eating and taking care of other basic needs, so dont deny yourself. It is ok to eat and you must eat, even if it does all taste like ash and stick in your throat for a while...I have been there. You will overcome and things will get better. Most people unless they are VERY lucky, go through these truly awful times at some stage in life. Your boyfriend is lucky at the moment because things are going ok for him but that doesnt mean it has always been this way for him or that it will continue in the future, so try not to feel too disconnected from him. Maybe just ask him to spare your feelings right now and not crow too loud about his good fortune. If he is sensitive, he should understand if you ask for compassion and a little space. If that is what you feel you need, then tell him. With your schooling. It is unfortunate that things havent gone very well but education doesnt stop at 18. Take this time to reflect on what you want to do in life, where you see yourself in ten years from now, profession wise. And start planning. Seek out other colleges and dont drop the ball, you can home educate yourself for a while. Make a study routine, look for local evening classes for now and carry on learning. It will help keep your mind busy and active. All the best to you, things will be ok x
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 October 2012):
 You need to find something to occupy yourself. You can't sit at home feeling sad or you will never pull yourself out of depression. I know it probably feels like you have no energy and going out sounds terrible, but surely there is something you've always wanted to learn (painting, pottery, an instrument, dance, acting, etc...) and you should enroll in a weekly class. You need that thing to look forward to and improve on. I went through something similar and taking that weekly (and eventually several times a week) class was what enabled me to pull myself out of depression.
What you're trying to do with this is distract yourself. Right now I'm guessing all you can think about is how miserable you are, and you need to find some way to distract yourself. TV isn't a distraction. Something you can work on, that gets you around other people, that's a distraction. Another positive thing is that because you don't know these people, you won't feel inclined to talk about (and therefore think about) what's happened. That break on your brain will do you wonders. I would recommend a physical activity class over an art class because the endorphins will help (it sounds silly, but the exercise really will help).
Time is what heals, but there are ways to either expedite it or prolong it. Sitting at home feeling depressed will prolong it. It's being passive. Be pro-active in your healing and go out and do something. When you emotionally can, re-enroll in another school too. Right now I'm sure it feels like you will be sad forever and there's no way you'll ever get past this, but you will and you'll be a better person for having gotten through it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): Just try reducing the calls and keep in touch through the messages. If you tell him to reduce the calls, it could easily be misinterpreted. I also recommend pull yourself together and start paving your own direction. You have been though a bad patch but life has to move on. Try distant learning to finish your school, try part time jobs, like I said you are the only one that can start making a difference to your life. Goodluck
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