A
female
age
30-35,
*x-lilmiss-xx
writes:Hi fellow Cupids, Bit of an issue on my hands. Recently (The past month or so) I have been feeling depressed like you wouldnt believe. Im currently on medication to no avail, so I'm attempting a different route and hoping you guys could offer some helpful advice on the situation. Myself and my partner of 3 years broke up in January of this year (we also have a 20 month old together), he said I was impossible to live with etc, I was absolutely devastated. My body had a total shut down knowing he wouldnt be mine anymore. However, he reassured me that he'd always be there for me when I needed help or someone to chat to, so we carried on speaking and meeting up as friends. But all of that came to an abrupt halt in March. We never spoke, nor saw each other and both tried to move on with our lives because (We'll call him Steven) Steven said it was too hard to be friends, which I fully understood. I got into a short lived relationship with a guy called Ben* in April, and after hearing nothing from Steven for the 1-2 months, I received a text message from him saying im a (nasty words) because I got with somebody else, even though he told me he never wanted to meet or talk again. He deleted me on all social networking sites so im not entirely sure how he found out (He lived in Birmingham and I moved back in with parents 60 miles north) It turned into a full scale argument and we havent spoken since. But recently, he's been all I can think about. He hasnt seen our son since January, and that kills me. I blame myself for the fact my son has no father, I keep putting myself down by saying there must be something wrong with me for him to not even talk, let alone arrange meetings, even if purely for the babys sake. I genuinely feel terrible, I do still love him, yes. But he has a girlfriend now, and I'd even doubt for a second he'd even consider getting together again. I don't know what to do at all, it's all one big mess. And all I can think about. I lose sleep over it, constantly thinking things in my mind. Im not eating as much as I once did, complete lack of appetite. No motivation to do anything what so ever. Despite my feelings towards the guy, I want him to play an active part in the parenting role. But have no response whenever contact has been made, its not fair on the little one. I may be young, but he's my main priority in all of this. He's becoming aware that his father isnt around, and that hurts like you wouldnt believe. Please help, I can't carry on living like this anymore. Everyday this situation is affecting my day to day routines. Im a mess.Thankyou for reading, any advice would be greatly appreciated beyond belief.
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broke up, depressed, has a girlfriend, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 5 Pounds a week? Maybe that is why he hasn't been around? He darn ashamed at his contribution? ( I really hope he is) because 5 Pounds is barely enough to keep a house in toilet paper, let alone help with the costs of a child.
Good luck at the doctors.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (15 October 2012):
he needs to get off his backside, get a job and support his child. its not the taxpayers job to be filling in for him.
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A
female
reader, xx-lilmiss-xx +, writes (14 October 2012):
xx-lilmiss-xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ive wrote a letter out to him this afternoon, so I'll send it tomorrow morning and let you know how that goes.
As for maintenance, He pays 10 pounds a fortnight, so 5 a week basically, not of his own accord though. I set up child maintenance through the government so its automatically taken from his "hard earned" job seekers claim and put into my account.
Going to book a Dr's appointment tomorrow morning too so ill let you know an update on that side of things, thankyou for your advice though guys.
x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2012):
First off, with your meds, talk to your doctor and either have the dose changed or switch brands.
Secondly, you ARE allowed to date. Being a single mom doesn't mean you can no longer have a sex life or a life in general.
"Steve" was WAY in the wrong in bitching you out for dating someone new. IF HE could, why couldn't you? Double standards are ridiculous.
Anyhow, it is NOT you fault that "Steve" hasn't seen his son since January. THAT has been HIS choice. And a piss-poor one at that, so please honey, STOP beating yourself up over that.
I would however, like Anon Female, suggest write him a letter and suggest you two work out a visiting plan for the sake of the child. You two can arrange that "Steve" picks up his son from your parents house or whatever so you DO NOT have to interact just yet.
IT IS not fair on your son, that because "Steve" feels like you two can't be friends that he can't see his dad. Where there is a will there is a way.
Is he paying maintenance for his son? If not, well that would be the next step.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): First of things will be tough so make sure your getting support for you family and friends..Secondly write (Steven) a letter just saying that though you two are no longer together does not mean you don't want him to see his son, and be an play an active part in his sons life.. That you realise things have changed and you are both moving move but there are still responsibilities that he has to his son, just like you do.. And you would like to find a amicable solution . Put in your home or mobile number with a time he can call and talk this through or say he is quite welcome to write back ASAP. It is important that your child does not suffer through this.. Does he financially support his son? If not that needs to be addressed if he can make a baby he has to learn to support that baby..Good luck sweetie chin up and do go back to the gp and try and have time for you. I know it's hard I have three kids and a husband and its still a lot if work.
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