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How do I get this woman to leave?

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2010)
A female France age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am a 26-year-old female in a relationship with a woman for the past two and a half years, and it's not working out. She is an alcoholic, sometimes physically violent, very often abusive, insanely jealous. She moved into my flat about a year and a half ago and in all that time she has never paid rent or helped with the bills, or even done much in the way of cleaning up after herself. Three months ago she finally got a job, but still doesn't help with money.

Anyway, my question is not "Should I break up with her?" because the answer to that is clear to me. What I want to know is: How do I get her out of my house?

She doesn't really have any friends who could put her up, and I can't contact her family because she deleted their numbers from my phone and they are not in the directory. Even if I felt comfortable going through her phone, which I don't, she locks it so I wouldn't be able to. I have been telling her to find an apartment for so long that it doesn't even mean anything any more. She has never even looked.

Please don't suggest anything like just putting all her stuff outside, because I know already that this isn't something I could do. I need to get her to leave, but I don't want to be cruel. She has problems (and makes many for me!) but deep down she's not a bad person.

Still, I definitely want her out of my home. How do I do it?? Thanks!

View related questions: alcoholic, jealous, money, moved in, violent

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (29 October 2010):

aunt honesty agony auntWell you have the right here to kick her out as it is your flat but i know what you mean and it just isnt in your personality to be cruel and leave her out on the street but you need to show her that you are serious, tell her that she needs to leave that the relationship is not working anymore for you and you need space just simply tell her she has to go tell her that she has two weeks to find a place and move out tell her that you are sorry but you need your space to clear your head and get on with your life. If she doesnt seem to be making any plans to move within the two weeks then am afraid you will need to threating that you will change the locks if she doesnt hurry up.

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A female reader, carra United Kingdom +, writes (29 October 2010):

carra agony auntHi darling,

There's one way to do it. have a talk with her and tell her if she does not move by the end of the week, you will be donating all of her clothes to charity and changing the locks.

You will see her out soon enough after that.

If she has the smallest hint that you are bluffing, she will stay - so try your best to be dead serious.

Tell her to go to a motel, hotel, friends parents don't care. If she has a job it means she can support herself and there is no need for her to leech off of you.

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