A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Wonder if you can give me some advice. I really like a mate of mine and i think he likes me. So do some of our friends. However he is very very very shy when it comes to this stuff and everyones said i've got to do something because although he should with him being the guy he'll be to scared to. They know he'll be like this from a past experience between him and this other girl. He liked her but she flirted with him so badly and even went way over the top at one point, he didnt do much back at first he just let her do it but after a while he got the confidence but even before he asked her out he wasnt the most confident guy and was really quiet. he just always followed her around towards the end. She hurt him...told him she was only in it for the chase! The thing is im not like that, im like him, i have no confidence, i CANNOT just ask him outright, partly because im not 100% sure its what he wants as hes never said. Asking him outright will do no good as hes very shy and so am i and it'll be all very weird and tbh i'd hate it knowing it happened that way. I just dont know how i should act with him. We go out often with 2 or 3 mates some nights which we are both very comfortable with and its great fun. I dont wanna change that but they keep saying ive just gotta do little things and act abit flirty with him, also by being friendly to build his confidence up so he'll do it with me but im unsure how? How can you build his confidence up?There has been the occasional time some stuff happened. Once out of no where he asked me to stay out with him and we were just messing around and i sat on his knee and he started to cuddle me. And the other time i had had quite abit to drink and wasnt feeling to good but i kept linking arms with him and hugging him and after a while he seemed alright and when he left me that night we hugged for ages. he even held my hand at one point but i wasnt very well then.But what things can i do? just to get it gradually going. I dont wanna rush into it because i wouldnt like to reck a good friendship. I to am as shy as him!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 He would only be more confident if his relationship works out with you. And if both of you just wait and say nothing, then there is no relationship to start with. Both of you are not sure if you like each other enough to be gfs bfs. You are already being physically initimate without really getting to know each other. He sounds very passive, so you have to be the one who suggest going to a movie, sitting at a cafe, or taking a walk in the museum. Drinking is not a good idea because it blurs your judgment. You don't want to fall in love and then find out one of you or both of you really aren't into each other. I do believe it is a guy's job to ask a girl out. You can express interest, then wait for him. Being shy, being hurt before are not excuses. He should not let any girl spoon feed him.
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