A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I am female age 30 and had quite a few sexual partners (most of these in relationships), I used to be pretty good at sex, but I had one bad experience and it really put me off and made me not want to do it for ages. The last time I did, it was a few months back and with a friend when we were drunk, which helped a bit as it was ok. But we established we didn't want to take it further because it could have totally ruined our friendship.(3 months)However, I have met a really nice guy and we have been quite a few dates and fooled around a bit the last time, I am really nervous about sleeping with him as I don;t have as much confidence as I used to because of the bad experience I had. How do I get this confidence back?Thanks.
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (27 July 2011):
A good start would be to reach a point where you are comfortable to tell him your current thoughts on having sex, and then tell him. You don't need to go into your past experience, but having a conversation with him about how you feel about it now would be valuable.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I do not think we need to know the exact sexual details of what went wrong, because I believe this to be a mental/emotional roadblock to getting intimate again.
If I am right, you are asking how do you feel that charged, sexy, craving, superwoman power that feels seductive and seduction worthy?
First, assuming your sex drive is in DRIVE and not in PARK, start doing things that make you feel awesome.
How is your beauty/maintenance routine? Do something that makes you feel pampered, posh, and even "prepared" to get intimate with someone. A new hairstyle, some new perfume, manicure, waxing, etc. Trigger those sensations that tell your brain that you are getting ready to be sexual again.
Explore the power of scent-look into aromatherapy. Certain fragrances trigger our brains to feel more empowered and sex. Cinnamon, vanilla, nutmeg, musk, earthy woods, etc.
Get new lingerie. It is like wrapping a pretty little package with a bow:)
Remember all the GOOD experiences you had in the past. You know you can have new moments where you felt charged and happy in the moment again.
Valuing yourself and appreciating your own femininity and sexuality will get the juices flowing again. Treat yourself with some pampering and be GOOD to your spirit as well! Do something wonderful that has nothing to do with this guy and you might find that you are charged to be with him later.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (26 July 2011):
I do not think we need to know the exact sexual details of what went wrong, because I believe this to be a mental/emotional roadblock to getting intimate again.
If I am right, you are asking how do you feel that charged, sexy, craving, superwoman power that feels seductive and seduction worthy?
First, assuming your sex drive is in DRIVE and not in PARK, start doing things that make you feel awesome.
How is your beauty/maintenance routine? Do something that makes you feel pampered, posh, and even "prepared" to get intimate with someone. A new hairstyle, some new perfume, manicure, waxing, etc. Trigger those sensations that tell your brain that you are getting ready to be sexual again.
Explore the power of scent-look into aromatherapy. Certain fragrances trigger our brains to feel more empowered and sex. Cinnamon, vanilla, nutmeg, musk, earthy woods, etc.
Get new lingerie. It is like wrapping a pretty little package with a bow:)
Remember all the GOOD experiences you had in the past. You know you can have new moments where you felt charged and happy in the moment again.
Valuing yourself and appreciating your own femininity and sexuality will get the juices flowing again. Treat yourself with some pampering and be GOOD to your spirit as well! Do something wonderful that has nothing to do with this guy and you might find that you are charged to be with him later.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): I had a similar experience in my thirties and did not have sex for several years because of it. Then I met a man I started dating and made him wait until I felt very comfortable with on an emotional level. He respected I wanted to wait and he asked me for a commitment before we even had sex.
Pacing the dating at your comfort level is what you should be doing and not rushing into physical intimacy to jump start a relationship because that will backfire and make you insecure. Take your time and he will stick around if he likes you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Can you tell us more precisely what the complication was? What caused the experience to be a bad one for you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): It is difficult to give advice without knowing the nature and size of your bad experiance. Speaking out your feeling is half solution
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