A
female
age
51-59,
*e is me
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 48 year old woman in a 4 year relationship with a man who does not like to have sex or affection. I love him and for this to work I need help as soon as possible. I desire him all the time. I could see him from across the room and BAM! I want him! He on the other hand could have sex once every 2-3 weeks. He takes about 9 seconds and it's over. He does not like the kissing or foreplay .. non of it! I have tried sex toys but that does not compare to the real thing. I need help. PLEASE tell me how to take all these desires away for good.Sincerely, Le
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Le is me +, writes (17 March 2014):
Le is me is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank each and every one of you that replied. I think everyone of you gave a different perspective in resolving my problem. I liked every one and am going to try combining them and see what happens. Again.. thank you for taking your time to help a stranger.
Sincerely and many smiles,
Le
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Men's testosterone levels drop after the age of 40 and so does their sex drive. First of all have him go get his hormone levels checked. Second of all you can start by putting him on a diet of high zinc vegies and oysters and see if his improves his urges (there are also pills that can improve his drive but read the directions carefully and only take for the prescribed time and not at all if he is on other medication). You can also try curbing your own desires by keeping your mind busy. It's no good dwelling on sexual thoughts if you only end up frustrated. Your plight is more common than you think. It's no one's fault, it's just a fact of nature that some men lose the urge earlier and women tend to keep theirs longer.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 March 2014):
I disagree wholeheartedly about him not being attracted to to. He very well could just have a low sex drive regardless of his attraction.
And there's not much you can do to stop your urges. At least nothing healthy. I'd talk to him about it and be completely honest with him. Tell him you're not satisfied in that department and you need more intimacy from him (and less quickies).
If he doesn't respond than this is what I call a deal breaker unless the two of you could make an open relationship work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): Why get rid of your healthy natural desires?
Get rid of the man.
Obviously, he is not attracted to you. You may only be holding on to him; because of your age. You don't want to go through the trouble of finding anyone else, and probably think you can't. You're settling for what you have. Which is nothing.
Why should you change yourself? He's not that into you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Are you sure you're not looking at your plight in a mirror???
Your question is, more broadly, like asking: "What can I do (to, or by, myself) to accomodate my partner's incompatibilities with me?" I think it's reasonable to simply BE "who you are".... and, find a partner who matches up with you better....
Consider, that you could simply live with your "desires"... but find a guy whose energy/sexuality/sensuality is more in keeping with your's.
If you'd like to test this hypothesis of mine... I volunteer to be that "test guy."
Good luck...
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