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How do I get rid of a boy without making him feel bad?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 July 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *utiemax09 writes:

there's this guy that really likes me but i don't like him. He always write me messages and asks me do i think he's unattractive but i said no because i didn't want to make him feel bad. He is really starting to get annoying because now it's the only question he asks me when he writes me so now i do not reply. should i tell him how i feel or ignore him?

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A female reader, christian_lover United States +, writes (30 December 2010):

I have the same problem. I guess tell him how you feel. If he gets upset and runs off, don't bother going after him. Like, for me, there is a guy who wants to be more than friends with me. I keep telling him no and he won't bug off. I told him how I feel and that we're just friends. He got disappointed, but I didn't chase back after him. So, if the guy still doesn't understand, then ignore him. Best way to solve any kind of problem.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008):

Just tell him how you feel and he might leave you alone. Tell him that you already have a boyfriend and that you only want to be his friend. Nothing else!! Just tell him the truth!! GOOD LUCK!!!

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (3 July 2008):

Danielepew agony auntTell the guy that you appreciate his interest but don't feel the same way as him, and that you do find him unattractive. Tell him that you wish him the best, and that will be it. He will be awful, of course, but that will happen anyways, since he's in love. On the other hand, he will appreciate the bare truth. He won't hate you if you treat him as an intelligent person who can take the truth as it is.

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A female reader, ChicaBlusera United States +, writes (2 July 2008):

I think that you should tell him that you think he is attractive, and want to be his friend, but that you are just not ready for a relationship. It doesn't mean that he is unattractive. You don't base a relationship on what someone looks like. Perhaps you're just not ready! Or, perhaps he's not for you. I think that you need to be nice to him but be sincere, he would really get hurt if you were to lead him on. I know that you don't want him to get hurt but honesty is always the best policy.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (2 July 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntBe honest with him. Tell him that although he is attractive, you are not interested in being his girlfriend. One of the lessons we have to learn as we grow up is that being in a relationship with somebody is about more than just how they look. Somebody can be very attractive, but just not be the right person for YOU. Make him understand that there are two different things here ... how attractive he is (where he is fine) and how much you want him for a boyfriend (where there is no connection between the two of you).

This is kind of a tough lesson to get across at your age, when a lot of people sort of have the "she's cute so I automatically want her" attitude, and find it hard to understand that a person can find someone else attractive without wanting to be with them. But that's the way the world works. It's a grown-up attitude, and the sooner he (and you) learn it, the better off you'll be.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008):

Well, it's natural to not want to hurt his feelings, but if he's annoying you then tell him, not it a harsh way, maybe not even in a direct way, just tell him that you need some space or something like that, he might get the message and leave you alone, if not then tell him you just want to remain friends, he may feel bad a bit, but should hopefully get over it, don't ignore him completly, say hi and stuff, but let him know you don't want to be anything more than friends

Good Luck

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A female reader, softballplaya United States +, writes (2 July 2008):

softballplaya agony auntHey girl

This is exactly what Im dealing with, and it sucks

My adice would be to let this boy that there is no chance (however do it kindly) This way he will be out of your hair and he can stop trying to get something because its a waste of his as well as your time too=/ I know that might sound harsh but its true. I would tell him your better off as friends and or that you dont see a relationship with him any time soon. If he keeps asking if you find him attractive, instead of flat out saying "no" sugar coat it a lil and tell him that he has good potential but no for you as a boyfriend. Let him doen easy becasue noone ever really takes rejection well, so put yourself in his place and be kind about it=]

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