A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I realize that this question might be dificult to asnwer but thanks if you can. I am really a caring person and don't ever want anyone to feel the way I feel, but sometimes I feel all alone in the world. A series of people who I really liked and wanted to be friends with, have let me down, and now I feel extremely insecure about my friendships fading. I constantly worry that my friends will fall away from me or that my close friendships won't be as close are we have been in the past. I have several friends that I cherish but sometimes little things that wouldn't affect other people make me think, ''What if he/she doesn't care about me anymore?'' and I often am haunted by fears that people I care about so much will stop caring about me.I have some friends that are so special that if my friendship faded it would break my heart. I need peace of mind about this, but don't know how to get it or what to say to my friends. Is it possible to have a true and lasting friendship that stays close? Is there something wrong with me, that people always seem to fall away from me eventually? I have a few friends that are really, really special and I am always worrying about losing them or that they will stop caring about me. People tell me that I see the world in a different light and that I'm insecure but I can't help it, I've been let down so many times. I have a LOT of love to give but I've been hurt so many times that I can't take a chance and fully trust anyone, because another abandonment will kill me. Furthermore, although I still have, and love, my parents... one day they will be gone... and I'll be alone in the world! I never married and never had children and I don't think I ever will, so my friends mean everything to me. Thank you if you can help me. I want to have peace of mind about this but I'm scared that I will come across as desperate to my friends and I would like to tell them how I feel, but I'm not sure how!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Dear.... Cupid?Thanks for your advice. I hadn't seen the situation that way... I love my friends dearly and you are really right in saying that friends are important, in a relationship. I think it's refreshing to hear that, because so many people seem to undervalue their friends when they get into relationships. I have really been let down before by friends, even though this friend I have now is sincere and has a good heart, I've been hurt so many times that I don't have it in me to trust, even though I know he deserves my trust. I'm so afraid of being abandoned again because it would break me. It's terrible when people get into a relationship and abandon their friends.Thanks again for your answer, and for caring about me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): hi. first of all, realize that all relationships including friendships, don't always stay the same forever. There will be periods in your life when you and a friend will be closer, and other periods when you'll drift apart a little bit due to limitations of time and space, but that doesn't mean that it will be forever, just temporary and then will follow another period when you will get closer again. And in the meantime when you're in a 'further apart' phase with one friend, could be when you'll be closer to another friend, and vice versa. So take comfort in the fact that if and when you feel friends drifting away from you, that it is natural and it doesn't mean it's permanent but just a phase and they will return again. And likewise in the meantime you can and should cultivate other friendships.Another thing is that even though a friend may be drifted away from you it does not mean that they don't care about you anymore. some times life gets hectic, and people get busy. So do you, so will you. Just because you're not on the phone all the time with someone or checking in with each other every day anymore, doesn't mean that they've stopped caring about you. If you had a sudden catastrophic problem you can still call them up even if you haven't spoken in awhile and I'm sure they will be there for you. it may seem that people who are married or have long term relationship should have it easier because there is someone who will always be there every day so it seems secure. But it's not so, so don't think that they necessarily have it better. There's nothing lonelier than feeling all alone while in a marriage (I've been there). Friends are ALWAYS needed even if you are married or in a committed romantic relationship. Couples who stop cultivating their individual friends, are not healthy as individuals or as a couple. So just try to remind yourself that your friends do still care about you even if they seem to be drifting away because that's natural and it doesn't mean it will be forever but just a temporary part of a cycle. And in the meantime, build other friendships so you have many people and relationships to keep you busy.
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