A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got into a relationship with a guy who I thought was great. It ended after 10 months. I've gotten over him I think. I would never get back with him, ever. And I don't miss him anymore. We ultimately broke up because he asked me to leave and go home (50 miles away!) because his friends were coming over, and i refused to, and in the end he told me they didn't want me there! All I can think about is what he said. He told me his family hate me, and all his friends hate me - but i'd never met any of them! And he told me I was selfish, and too shy! Even though he used to be too shy to talk until he was 17! And everything he said hurt me, especially because I feel like they are very untrue. I'm absolutely not perfect, but i'm a good person and I've never known anyone to HATE me. I hate MYSELF for letting his stupid petty words hurt me. And I'm mad that I never said anything back to hurt him because I cared about him too much. And now some time has passed (three months) and I can't stop feeling shit about the fact that I ever let myself be in a relationship with a person who lied to me constantly, hid his phone even though I wasn't looking and took phone calls from other girls at three in the morning and shouted at me when I was grumpy because it woke me up! now that time has passed I can see how insane I was to ever be with someone who clearly didn't care about me at all, I'm ashamed of myself for being so blind to what was going on, and for letting myself get hurt in such a stupid way by somebody who wasn't worth it!I wrote a long letter "to" him that i'll obviously never send, expressing all of the mean things I wish i'd said to hurt him - because he had gone so out of his way to hurt me! But it didn't make me feel better. How can I just stop thinking about what happened over and over again? I just want to stop hearing his mean words in my head. What can I do to get passed it? I just want the thoughts to go away.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 When a person experiences a cut or abrasion or a burn, Mother Nature has arranged that their skin repairs itself, and scars over before too long. Unfortunately, she didn't make the same arrangement for the injuries that happen inside our brains..... Sooooo, you will, indeed, have to endure the more time that it will take for the "mental scar" to happen.... BUT, don't just sit around and wait for that scar to form. INSTEAD, put your mind to work at other things.... any and many things that you find pleasant AND which require you to focus on THEM and not this unpleasant memory that dogs you..... Turn to old hobbies, activities or pasttimes. Use this time and your desire to cloud-out the memories to focus on something like volunteering at a hospital, library or homeless shelter, or a food kitchen. Take up a sport or a musical instrument....
In the end, this REALLY WILL pass..... Remain confident of that.. AND make your life as pleasant as you can, in the meanwhile...
Good luck....
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