A
male
age
30-35,
*aptainh
writes:This is something that I have been wanting/trying to get past for a long time. I have been struggling with a lot of things i.e negative thoughts, what people think of me, percieved lack of confidence etc. This has lead me to isolate myself somewhat from my peers and I feel that I have not had the relationship with alot of people that i feel like I could have. Like, I find myself at home alot when I know I should be trying to put myself out there socially. I feel generally liked by a lot of people from the nice things they've said about me, but yet I feel like a bit of an outsider/someone they see as not having much confidence/someone they dont want to be aroundI am at a stage now where I feel like I am ready to try and put myself out there a bit more/get past this feeling of isolation/social awkwardness. There are some people (including girls) who I have had the chance to talk to, but have made a split second decision not to for fear of being rejected etc. I feel like I have given them and many other people the wrong impression and have not acted on changing this. This is something ive been wanting to do for a long time but have not known how. I feel that I am genuine, friendly, loyal person. I am not afraid to share my feelings with people who I feel I can trust and see it as a way to connect with people. All I can say is I know I have a lot to offer people, especially these girls who I havent spoken to, but when I try and talk myself into doing these things, I get overwhelmed by the bigger picture.
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male
reader, captainh +, writes (15 December 2011):
captainh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that guys. Especially you anonymous person :) it's nice to hear that there is someone like me (in a way), your answer was really helpful. I just want to try and put myself out there as soon as possible in anyway that I can, but I don't really know where/how to start.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 This ought to get you started:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
Above all, remember to be willing to take risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained; who dares, wins. Are there consequences when a risk doesn't pan out? Yes. Will you learn to put yourself out there and be a bigger part of your own social circle if you don't take risks? No. Go out and talk to a girl even if you are 100% certain you will be rejected, just for the practice. I know it's hard to believe, but you can actually get used to rejection - it's not that big a deal, and once the fear has no power over you, a lot of doors open up. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Wow you sound just like I used to be, but in male form. I'm gonna give you a couple of pointers, I'm a little bit older than you (19) so I can say I went through this phase. I'm an introvert and I'm terribly shy but, like you, I got tired of it and wanted to get out there and communicate. It didn't work the first couple of times. Though I was liked by people, I came across as awkward and not confident. Until one day I just forced myself into situations everyday. what I mean is, everyday I consciously threw myself into social situations that I would normally feel awkward in so that I could learn to get out of them. Whether it is applying for a job, or speaking on the phone or going out with groups of friends that used to make me feel awkward. Until one day, with enough belief and self confidence I was able to NOT care what people thought of me. You have to CONSCIOUSLY make the effort to show you have confidence. If you find yourself backing out of social situations last minute PUSH yourself to keep going. It seems overwhelming but what are they gonna do?? Are they gonna bite your head off? Are they gonna laugh hysterically at you?? Are they gonna completely ignore you? Stop yourself from thinking negative thoughts. When you believe in yourself enough, wonders can happen. If you sense that you are liked by most then that is most likely the case. So what are you waiting for??? Don't make the same mistake I did in high school. I pushed people away that genuinely wanted to be my friends ONLY because of my stubborn low self esteem and self image.
I honestly hope this helped you a little and good luck :)
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