A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have had feelings for a man for almost a decade now, but until recently I have never done anything to encourage any emotional response from him due to the fact that he is married. However, my life has been turned upside down now that I have confessed my feelings towards him. I wish very much to have never admitted my attraction because now our conversations are strained and forced. If the conversations are not forced, then they become awkward with wordy allusions to attraction made by both him and myself (yes, he has admitted interest as well); these conversations become awkward when reality sets in for one or both of us. The thing is, I am not physically attached. We briefly embraced on several occasions, but other than that there has been very limited contact. I find him attractive, however it his mental stimulation from the engaging conversations over a variety of topics that I am attached to and have fallen for him over. He is an incredibly intelligent male who seems to have an answer for nearly any subject. I crave mental stimulation, and without it I become stagnant and restless. He is a wonderful person and I care for him deeply.I suppose my question is how do I get over this mental attachment/relationship to him? I do not like the idea that I could somehow be endangering his marriage, nor do I wish to continue on with this damaging relationship. I know from experience that it is incredibly unhealthy, mentally speaking, for someone to be in love with a married individual. In my heart of hearts I do not wish to cast him aside; I have cared for him for far too long and I would much rather continue with my self deprecation than let go. However, I can not continue to be selfish and risk him damaging his reputation and career. So I ask for advice on how to forget a long-standing, mostly platonic, intellectual relationship. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs per instructed by the replies I received, I have not contacted the gentleman in question. It has been incredibly difficult; the minutes tick by ever so slowly into hours and days. Although I posted this question barely a week ago, it personally has been a great deal longer. I have purchased an eReader to occupy my mind, but it does not stop my thoughts from wandering. I miss his wit and insight that added fulfillment to my daily routine. One day, I am certain, I will be able to say it was a temporary infatuation.
I wanted to thank both authors that replied to my question for being accepting of my affection. I had expected malice, but instead received sound advice. Sometimes, all a person needs is a little help from a stranger.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): Mental attraction is the worst and I say this from experience. I am married and I am mentally attracted to a married man as well. There is an implicit attraction (I think) but neither of us can say anything. We both have children. While I love my husband, I cannot help but feel what I feel. I have tried to stay away from this other man by avoiding lengthy conversations because it becomes unbearable to have someone share your same thoughts, perspectives, goals, etc There is not much to be done in this case, but you went the extra step and told him which can wreak havoc on his marriage. I suggest you stay away to avoid being hurt and hurting others as well. I know it is not the answer you want to hear, but save yourself the heartache.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 You should get away from him. I loved my x-husband but when i met a man who stimulated me mentally, my marriage died. I'm now married to the brain.... and I still love his mind...
you need to not contact this guy.... and find a new outlet to stimulate your mind... join a book club... some singles groups that do mental things...
are you eligible for MENSA?
...............................
|
