A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 15, and have been having a crush on this guy in his mid-20s, I think (no, he's not my teacher, we only met once) for about 2 months. We almost certainly won't meet again, but he was the most good-looking guy you could imagine, and seemingly flirty. And I fell in love with him.I'm doing my best to get over him, but it's really hard. I don't like boys my age. I have always lacked a father figure; my real father was a paedophile and my mum divorced him. I also live in a very dysfunctional family and have no friends, so my head is telling me I need to make a life for myself before I even consider dating anyone. But my heart is telling me something else.This is absolutely killing me, and my family situation is bad enough as it is without the heartbreak of loss on top of it. Even when I try to busy myself with something I love, like drawing, the thought of him is always in the background.Please, can anyone tell me how to get over this man? The thought of this lovely polished affectionate mature gentle guy I just can't have is always there, in the back of my mind, torturing me constantly.I'd really appreciate some advice. Thanks ^^.
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female
reader, xAx +, writes (6 August 2009):
 About your age, i went on holiday and met a really dreamy man just like you describe about yours. He was 19, and i was 14. We were constantly together for a week until he had to leave to go back home. I, like you, honestly thought i was in love. But after time, i stopped thinking about him( thinking about him now doesn't count!! ) Give it time. I really don't believe that there's only one man for us out there. There definately is someone out there more perfect and of age for you.My parents divorced when i was young and i haven't seen my dad for over 3 years now. My step dad does not truely fill in the father figure so i know how you feel. You're like me, you are going to want boys attention as you didn't get it from your dad. Please, do forget about this older man. I'm not going to say "you don't need a boyfriend right now" as i know you'll always need attention. Go out with friends who have friends from other schools so you can meet their friends. Flirt with boys your age to get the attention you need. You don't want any more trouble as you apparently have enough on your shoulders. An older man will not help. And if he does tell you that he fancies you, think about why does he fancy you, and why can't he get some one his age? Excuses do not count.Good Luck!! I reallly hopes this helps! X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Thanks for both of your answers :)
The main thing I'm having trouble forgetting is just how gorgeous and "my type" he was - is there any way around this? He could not have been more attractive to me, let's put it that way. There is no actor, or model, or singer, or any other guy, I have seen who I consider hotter than him.
Silly as I know it sounds, I feel like I'm going to "miss out" on him, that some other woman is going to take the chance I missed, if I don't get him. How do I avoid this feeling of loss?
I also moved pretty far away from him recently, and I won't be returning to that area till around next January anyway...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Do you think part of the reason you want him so much is because you can't have him? I find that's the case with me sometimes. I like older guys too (and I had no father figure) - you're right, they are so much more mature, gentle and comfortable! :) I'm 23 now, and I think once you're an adult it's ok to date guys of any age you like. The last guy I dated was 39 and absolutely wonderful. The point I'm trying to make is that it isn't hopeless, older guys won't be unattainable to you forever. Just try and think that this guy you can't stop thinking about at the moment has helped you realise something about yourself and what you want in your life. So it's great that you met him! And isn't it nice that such a good looking guy was flirting with you? That must do wonders for your confidence :) You're so right that it's important to make a life for yourself before introducing someone else into it. Otherwise you end up completely co-dependent and that's not healthy! It's great that you're getting back into drawing. Do some other things you love as well. Don't worry that he's in the back of your mind, he probably will be for some time to come. It takes a long time to get over someone! It can be really hard, but time and doing those things you love will help so much :)
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