A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i have been involved in a situation and would like some advice.I have been working for this company for a year now and part of my job is dealing with reps based all over the uk.There was this 1 rep in particular who i got on well with-we had never met before just via email and emails were work related and the general chit chat and the odd flirty banter.Now back in December were invited over to their xmas party and this was the 1st time we had met face to face and there was an instant attraction on both parts.We spent the majority of the evening together chatting,dancing and flirting and at the end of the evening we swapped numbers.We didnt kiss or anything.So for the next few months we sent eachother intimate texts and work emails became more personal..I couldnt stop thinking about him and i was on cloud 9.I fantasised about us getting married and having children etc...He made me so happy,constantly complimenting me and if work was getting to much he'd send me funny emails to brighten my day.Everything was going so well we were planning to meet for a drink when he announced he was married!I couldnt believe this guy could flirt with me and tell me how he felt and all along he was married!As if that wasnt enough...i found out his wife was pregnant!!I was in shock and felt so sick i couldnt stop shaking.I told him nothing was ever going to happen and he should concentrate on his wife and child.He still continued to txt me and flirt i should have ignored him but i still txted him but not as intimate as before-i tried to play it cool as i still had and have strong feelings for him.They now have their baby and he is so happy however he still txts me and emails me.This will sound so selfish and i have no intention of breaking up this family but its like a punch in the stomach when he tells me about the baby..i always thought it would be our baby-mine and his-i wanted to be the one to marry him and make him happy.I know im better off without him and i feel sorry for his wife but my feelings for him wont go away.I just keep crying all the time and have lost my appetite and even my colleagues have noticed.I cant tell them anything as they know this guy.I do go out and to the cinema and out to dinner with friends but he's always at the back of my mind.Please do not tell me to leave my job as i have worked hard to get where i am and i will not let some low life ruin my career.Has anyone been in my postion and any advice will be appreciated.
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female
reader, califnan  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 Hi; I am where you are. Have been in love with a married man - who started emailing me months ago, just as a friend. And yes his emails are sweet, humorous, uplifting, etc. We are only friends - but I have fallen in love with him, and it has severely crippled me mentally and physically, because I know I can't have him, and he is in love with his wife, and I pine for him. We have never been together as he is several states away. I enjoyed your question, and I am particularly enjoying most of the answers to this question in general: In love with a married man. They are right that you are lucky that you never slept with him . Those who answer are stating that it seems to be low self asteem that causes women to fall for married men. I didn't have low self esteem before I met him, and I wasn't even searching for a man. But being in love with someone who cannot return my love, has given me low self esteem. I have had single men friends who wanted me - and I wasn't attracted to them. What has attracted me to this man is his beautiful communication, and I am also very nice looking. Many single men have terrible communication skills - if they even email you at all (I joined Match.com). When I find out how to gracefully remove myself from his life, I will let you know. You and I should both work out (I joined Curves) and do things to boost our confidence back up again.. Let me know how you are doing too.
A
female
reader, SSL2  +, writes (25 May 2008):
I have been in a similar situation and all I can tell you is that I am strugling to also get a married guy out of my mind despite how hard I try. I know what you are going thru coz I have cried loads, have felt all the negative emotions and everything else that come with such a relationship.I am trying to stop all contact with this guy at the moment and today is the first day. I know it will not be easy but you have to try very hard.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Best to leave this man alone. You have said you want someone you can marry and have a baby with, and he is not free for this.
Think how his wife would feel. Her dreams may have been the same as yours and she could break her heart if he was having an affair.
You are better off without him. It will be hard when you work together, but don't text him any more unless you have to for work, and find someone who deserves you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): I think you are working too hard and neglecting your personal life. You sound lonely to me if you are left to fantasizing a whole life with a man you have never kissed and only send emails and texts and flirt.....
You have to find a balance to your life...going out to the cinema and dinner with friends is fine, but develop some outside interests and activities where you can meet a man who shares some of the same interests...get out into the world and the sunshine and fine your man, he won't find you behind a cubicle or in front of a computer answering some emails from a married jerk who likes the ego strokes your attention to him gets him.
Just ignore him and block his texts and emails if you can, you have nothing to cry over except being lonely and wasting your creativity and emotions on a fantasy......
You can do this, just put one foot in front of the other and start having a life outside of friends, work and family....do some things you truly enjoy and if you meet a man then that is just the icing, meanwhile learn to enjoy your life, and life is not only about work.
No one ever put on their tombstone, I wish I had spent more time at work.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (19 May 2008):
 You have certainly fell for his Bullshit Hook Line and Sinker. Why are you getting yourself in such a state over this guy? He is married with a child, you had a lucky escape and was not foolish enough to sleep with him.
He just used you as a convenience when his poor wife was pregnant.Do you seriously want to be associated to a guy who does not take the sanctity of marriage seriously?
My advice is ignore this jerk and get on with your job and make something of yourself. There are plenty more fish in the sea my dear, get out and have fun with your friends. In time you will find a nice single man, who would willingly want to spend quality time with you and not a guy with an over inflated ego. Time to move on and dry those tears my dear he is simply not worth your time and care.
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