A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need to know how I can get over my ex and get out of the depression that he has put me in. We dated for over five years and broke up for good a year ago. We've slept once since then, and then again last night. He has really messed a lot of things up for me for various reasons, for instance I am unable to become intimate with anyone. I will end up having a panic attack or shaking, and its generally caused all of my relationships outside of him to go bad really quick. I found out the last time he has sex with me that he had another girlfriend and that really messed me up, and i swore to myself that it would be the last time. I was doing good, I moved away for college and would not respond to his texts. Last night I got drunk and ended up at his house. I just can't stand it. I've been trying to get over him so long and I keep messing it up. I honestly feel so disgusted in myself and so worthless, as well as the fact that it opened up so many old wounds that I feel like I am in constant pain. He does not deserve to be sleeping with me after what he has put me through. I know this is my fault and I know I can't blame anyone else. I just dont know how to prevent myself from making these stupid mistakes which I dont seem to learn from, and I dont know how to get over him, or how to stop feeling so shitty about myself
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female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 Nasty of him to have a gf and still be trying to sleep with you on and off. For starters you right it was your fault because somehow you were in his house drunk. You must never end up in his house again ever. STOP talking to this guy, cut him off - apply the no contact rule; it always works. You are still in love with him and that's why he's messing with you. If you have family like nephews and nieces you could stay with them a little or get new hobbies and keep yourself busy with other things. If you keep bumping into him, avoid those places. You have to be strong don't break down when you do see him around. Grow a thick skin-if you know what I mean. You can do it if you set your mind to it and then make time to grief for your loss because I know you're losing and giving up something or someone close to your heart. But PLEASE not for more than 3 days. Write this guy out of your life. Delete everything about him pictures, Facebook, etc block him off in ever direction.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): The answer is simple OP you woman up and just stop.
You have to examine the circumstances that led you to his house last night and you have make sure they're not repeated. How did you end up there? Did you call him drunk? Did he call you, were you with mutual friends? What?
You're right OP this is your fault but instead of crying and moaning about it you have to woman up and just stop. It's easy not to do something OP you just ignore your feelings and trust your better judgement. Get rid of this mopey "I can't help it" bullshit, of course you can.
If this is what happens when you're drunk then don't drink. You obviously haven't cut contact enough from him either so do that. Delete his number and block him on everything.
You stop feeling shitty about yourself by making sure it doesn't happen again. Do you understand? You can't change what has happened, you can't go back and undo this so just set it up so that you won't do this again and give yourself time to heal. Look you have to stay away from other guys for a while too OP. Give yourself until the summer with absolutely no dates, no guys, nothing. This is too fresh and raw still and you're not ready. So get on with your life now and build yourself an independent life without a man for the next 6 months, none. Never, ever contact this guy again, don't answer any calls from him, do not let him message you, nothing. Only when you've set that up will you be able to get some peace but most importantly stand the hell and be a woman about this. No more crying, no more regrets, just live your life for you and start making yourself happy.
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