A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are together 1 year and 6 months. He proposed to me 3 days ago and it was very unexpected. He just texted me did I wanna go for a drive and I said ok. We went to the beach and I didnt want to get out as i looked like a mess however he insisted so I did. We hugged we kissed and before I knew it he went down on one knee and I said yes. At the time I was very happy. But I was disapointed as I told him to never propose till I've lost some weight. We are both broke at the moment and I was really disapointed he didnt wait till we had money saved. What also got me really upset was how he did it. His cousin told me that a few years ago he said to her if he ever found the one he would bring her for dinner in paris and propose. He told me after a major fight a few months ago when i was at the verge of dumping him that he was gonna propose next January in the snow in Italy. He kept telling me for weeks he knows a date ad hes planning where i was really excited because I thought i'd be made feel so special but i didn't. I didn't even get a rose and 20 minutes after proposing he says 'See we got engaged and it didn't cost a penny' which was true because he used his moms ring also. The second he said that i have felt so weird inside like I wasnt good enough to whisk off somewhere and be given a flower. How do I get over such a disapointing proposal? Why don't I feel so happy inside when he is the love of my life? I feel so upset.
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male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (14 August 2014):
I was with a girl for 5 years and we spoke of marriage and the whole shabam.
I never wanted to be one of them couples who go engaged and took years to get married I wanted to save money to get her a big ring, I was also concerned as I was young. I never asked her to marry me these was excuses because it scared me.
This lad has asked you , granted not as romantic as you see on the films but a lad at that age isn't going to have a lot of money.
And regards to your weight , he wont see that if he loves you, in he's eyes you will be perfect!
If you love him and you make each other happy ...trust me that's the important thing
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 You've totally been set up to have high expectations. Why would everyone speak of paris and Italy knowing you guys have no money. That's so sad that you actually expected a proposal that large and didn't get it. So sorry about that but let me speak the truth now. You guys have no money so it's best that you weren't whisked away to a foreign land (which would be costly) which meant that the both of you saved money. It was a surprise to you (which is what a good proposal always should be). Take the good that you can from it because regardless of the ring and the location, you did say that you love your partner, that's all that a proposal is about. It's not about being fancy and pressuring yourself as a couple, its about declaring that you forever want to be with the one that you love. At least that's what it should be about. It seems as though you've lost sight of it all. You've let your demands overshadow the entire thing and now you've made yourself miserable at the thought that it was not what you expected. Sorry dear but what you're seeking is a perfection that doesn't exist. Deal with that and change your perspective before you ruin anything good in your life by looking at it in a negative light. That is what is needed here above all else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 I do believe that you've confused "style" versus "substance".....
If you like/love this guy enough to marry him and spend your lives together.... what difference does it make how/where/when he popped the question??????? Think hard.... once, twice.... even more times... until you know, YOURSELF, if you want his proposal, and you want to answer "Yes."
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): Okay, I can understand that you were expecting something more romantic and a moment that you could treasure for eternity.
I will go against my usual toughness; because such a moment means everything to someone you propose to. Especially to a woman.
Wait until you lose weight? Come on! Seriously?!!
Who knows how much you want to lose or how long that could take? That is just taking this in a silly direction. He did make you a lot of promises, and he should follow-through on them. I'm not going to be mean and make any negative commentary about it. You should never build-up someone's expectation, then fall far short of your promises. Especially when you make those promises over and over.
Your appearance is fine with him. That is your own issue to deal with personally. Maybe you want to look your best when you go on those great vacations, I get it. However; you want to delay his proposal based on your weight at the time?
Lady, I can't just let that slide. Talk about bridezilla in the making?!
Stop this foolishness. It's already a done deal. I do think he should share a romantic vacation with you to keep his promises. You are certainly correct that you must save money and be financially prepared for a future together. It's the immature mindset you have that tilts it all off kilter.
Try to be grateful that he cares so much for you that he does want to marry you just as you are. That is very significant. Your physical appearance is not a deterrent to his wanting to make a life-long commitment to you. So many young women reading your post would love to change places with you. You just don't know!!! I, for some reason, have some soft-spot for you. I don't know why I'm not being tougher with you.
I'll just say. You are ungrateful. You are stealing his thunder and thrashing his feelings to the ground; and grinding them under your heal. You are acting like a spoiled little girl. You shouldn't delay his proposal until you lose weight; or until he could afford to take you to a romantic location. He should delay it until you both grew up. Especially you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): "I told him to never propose till I've lost some weight."
OP with all due respect if we had to wait until a woman 'loses weight' to do something we'd never get anything done.
I fail to see how money has got anything to do with this either. It sounds like you wanted a guy with very little money to save up lots and spend thousands on asking you to marry him.
You're disappointed by your own insane expectations. Not only did he have to have thousands saved up but he also had to rely on you to be happy with your weight and then you also took something he said in the heat of the moment of being dumped as something literal.
So instead of seeing that this guy gave the most special woman in the world to him the ring that the other special woman in his life wore, took her somewhere they could celebrate their engagement together as a couple you're just upset that your dream engagement didn't come true.
OP it's 3 days ago so you have time to see what's truly important here and gather your senses. Because right now from where I'm sitting he shouldn't have proposed at all. It sounds like you're a woman who is just not happy with anything unless it's exactly how you dreamed it, which means you'll probably hate your wedding if it's not exactly how you dreamt it would to go and you'll be disappointed in your marriage if it's not perfect either.
OP there's a difference between dreams and reality, you need to learn that or you'll just spend your life being disappointed constantly that things don't exactly how dreamt they would.
Look, at the time you were very happy, as Chi rightly states look back on that feeling and hold onto it.
Maybe I'm wrong about you and you're not a demanding perfectionist, but you've let yourself over-think this whole thing and it's ruining it for you.
Something tells me the things you're freaking out about aren't the real problem here. I have a feeling deep down marriage to this guy is really not what you want and you're projecting that onto how he did it. It seems to me like the idea of being engaged to this guy is not as amazing as you thought it would be, and frankly OP he could have spent billions on the proposal and flown you to moon and you still wouldn't be overjoyed by how it happened.
I mean it sounds like you feel betrayed that he lied about what he'd do to keep you when you were about to dump him. You have to think long and hard about this for the next while, OP. You went from a major fight a few months ago where you nearly dumped him to him proposing to you, and you're very upset about it too.
Doesn't sound like a happy couple at all. Sounds you're trying to fix a broken relationship by getting engaged, because honestly neither me nor my wife cared about our proposal, the idea that we'd be together for life was like the first time we told each other we loved each other. We were floating on air for weeks.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 It sounds like you and him have financial problems, which has put a damper to your excitement. You were initially happy you say, but then you started thinking, analyzing, worrying.
Hold on to that first initial feeling. That is the correct feeling you have. All the rest come from problems that are not directly related to the proposal, but who you worry about. Such as your weight. You want to lose weight. So you aren't your ideal weight now, but still, that isn't related to him proposing. So you are in a financial rut, and you've probably argued or discussed how money stands in the way of you and him getting engaged.
He's a man, they want to solve problems. If you have been expressing your concerns about money with him, and how you should save money, then NATURALLY he is NOT going to splurge and whisk you away on some expensive get-away just to ask you to marry him, with a big fat diamond bought on credit. He only did what made sense to him, throw the expensive ideas out of the window and keep it simple. He proposed without any costs, and thought, bless him, that having spent NO MONEY on it would ease your mind.
Think of all the money you saved. Why do you wish he waited with proposing until you had more money?? Now he saved you both the money, and you can spend your savings on something else. Such as a grand wedding. Or honey moon. Or house. Or a baby.
I say be happy. You got everything you wanted, you just hadn't imagined it to happen the way it did. Remember thought that your financial concerns, and concerns about your weight, are NOT how you feel about being proposed to. You are happy to be engaged, the worrying belongs to your other issues and problems, and you just see the proposal through the wrong eyes. You look at it with the concerns about money and weight colouring the entire proposal. Take those concerns away and you will find what you truly feel about being proposed to.
I say, maybe it wasn't the best timing ever to propose when you have so many concerns otherwise, but then again... The timing is never perfect. There's no such thing.
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