A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey all,I am constantly having trouble with one of my friends. In one sence we are close, we go though phases where we tell each other everything, protect each other and you coudln't wish for a better friend. But then he goes though phases where he will just cut me and others off with no warning. We were getting on really well last week and I planned a birthday drink for him and he didn't bother to turn up or tell me what was going on. In the end I messaged him telling me he'd let me down. Another time, he had me change the day and turned up an hour and a half late. He did appologise for the other incidences but its starting to grate. The rest of the group have had enough of it too but they are too nice to say anything. I have decided to start telling my friend how I really feel but I'm worried its going to cause tension in the group.But I'm also miffed that my friend wants to get close one minute and then different the next. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thanks for the replies. I didn't think I'd get any response to this. Well I haven't heard anything from him. I'm not going to cut him off but just re evaluate the friendship and probably treat him a bit more like an aquaintrence and then let him fill in the gap so to speak if that's what he wants. Thanks all
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 August 2014):
 You've mistaken this peson for a friend. Fiends don't act this way. Friends try to make you happy not frustrated. Soo,first take this person off your friends list and treat him/her differently. In other words, as a friend,you're trying to do things to make your 'friend' happy. Try treating your'friend like you trat others that you just know, you know, polite but nothing special. your degree of disappointment will fall drasticlly. Since you won't have epectations as you would from a real friend, your life will become tranquil again. And remember, you didn't do the 'unfriending' your 'friend' just changed catagory. o guilt just peace.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 This type of friend would go into the "fun but unreliable" list and I would act accordingly.
If he complains that you are treating him differently at some point in the future (I doubt he'll notice), just explain that you learned early on not to rely on him to show up on time if at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): We all have a circle of friends where one of the group is just "unreliable." Always late;or just doesn't show-up at all.
You can bitch and moan about his quirks, but it doesn't really change anything. At the end of the day, you forgive him; and he's still a friend. Just not listed as high on the list for reliability. So adjust your feelings about him accordingly. He rises up and down, so when he fails you as a friend. Have nothing to do with him, until you miss him so much you can forgive and forget. That's what I usually do.
Yes, I think your idea to have a good talk with him would be good. Just a talk. Let him know where YOU stand. Don't speak for the others, and you won't have any tension with them. Let them handle their issues with him personally. You can only address what he does that bothers you. If he apologizes, accept it; but let him know, your patience is running low, and he just might lose your friendship as a result. Be straight, but not confrontational. Unless you've reached your limit, and you're about to dump the guy for sure as a friend.
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