A
female
age
41-50,
*eed To Be Fixed
writes:dear cupid i was in a relationship with a man back in 05 and we had to end it. he is a married man and i was in a relationship. we worked together and had many things in common, one being both of us had a parent fighting cancer. we were each others shoulders. we talked of all things we couldnt discuss with our partners, from religion to sex to work. we were never intimate though. so i left the man i was with and he stayed. we live in a small town full of gossip and his father in law was the mayor. he is also a prominent citizen who has a wife and 2 children who could not leave and his excuse for staying and being unhappy was that he was staying for his children. i waited about 6 months and then i went back to the man i was originally with and we moved out of town.i just celebrated my 2 yr anniversary with my husband whom i also love dearly but i am still so in love with this other man. how do i get past this and move on so that when i see him on the street my heart doesnt stop!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Need To Be Fixed +, writes (9 June 2008):
Need To Be Fixed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI married the man that was cheating on me. Dont get me wrong we went through our issues and we have a great marriage now. I think possibly that when all of this was going on it changed him in some way as well as myself. I am happy in my marriage I just also still think and long for the other man... possibly because it was something I couldnt have or possibly because I am,or was, actually In Love with him. Since my husband and I got back together after all the drama and got married I have been 100% his, since all of this occured my husband and I have become alot closer and more open with each other. I am not looking to leave my husband or to get the other man back, I am looking for a way to find closure for myself. I am not sure the firefighter even has any feelings for me anymore, and if he does,like you said they are probably just feelings of wanting to stay away..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): So you married a man who had been cheating on you, or did you end up marrying a third man (not the cop)? Please clarify for us.
I don't say this to be mean, but the other man (firefighter?) is quite right to stay away from you-- your relationship problems with your boyfriend/husband have been creating a domino effect, probably causing him to damage his relationship with his own family.
There's a problem right there if your husband is not your best friend. Either go to a marriage counselor to fix this, or else split with your husband. THEN go looking around for someone who will fulfill your needs. Infidelity is not a recipe for happiness, as you must know in your heart.
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A
female
reader, Need To Be Fixed +, writes (8 June 2008):
Need To Be Fixed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell there is alot more that should probably be said about the situation but way to much typing.. lol...at the time that i was talking with this man my current husband and i was not married.. he was cheating on me and with the occupation he is in (law enforcement)he was very good at it! I could never prove anything but knew it was going on. I turned to another man! The relationship between myself and the other man came out and EVERYONE found out about it. We were accused of doing things we did not and his father in law made some threats to not just him and I but also to the man i was dating. Whom by the way came out looking whistle clean to everyone else!! It was a great big town scandal between the mayor the cop the firefighter!!! I and the other man got all the blame for being friends and now he is scared to even talk to me. I think thru the whole thing that is what i am most upset about. I feel as though I lost my best friend thru the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): You need to figure out what it was about this man that your husband could not provide. Then, help your husband provide these things-- admiration? physical love? conversation?
If you are able to ask specifically for what you need, and help your husband fulfill your emotional needs, you and your spouse will grow together in the process.
For instance:
Why couldn't you discuss some subjects of religion, sex, or work with your partner?
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A
female
reader, Need To Be Fixed +, writes (7 June 2008):
Need To Be Fixed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you.. i hit one star by accident..lol.... this is going on for over 3 yrs now and the sad thing is we have not spoken to each other at all since then.. we still catch eyes when we see each other.... how long is it going to take??????????????????????????????????????
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I was in a similar situation but now I have no more feelings for the married man - it took complete cut off and time to get over him but I see now the affair simply destroyed my sense of self. I realise the things that got us together were not 'real' they were just circumstances and it filled a missing bit of my marriage. Do not let it ruin your chances with your relationship. Find other things that are more nourishing to do in your life and you will start to feel good again. Right now all you are doing is hanging on to a love that cannot be.
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