A
female
age
41-50,
*iary
writes:Help!! It's been seven years and I cannot get over my ex. I don't know what's wrong with me but I still think about him everyday. We are not in touch but I have a fairly good idea of where he is now. I've read loads of "How to get over your ex" articles and dated other men and almost married one, but "he" still captivates me, after all these years. What do I do????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): same here..i had no closure with my ex 6yrs ago..he cheated on me..then i stopped talking to him..several months later, i met my husband, dated him for 4 years..got pregnant then married him...however, there are times that i missed my ex and wonders how he's doin..i didnt wanna email him coz i dunno what to tell him..plus i already have family..i just wanna have closure but i couldnt do it...
A
female
reader, Amac  +, writes (28 January 2009):
Okay, I kind of get your point of view as I have something similar that happened to me just over a year ago and I cannot forget the guy though he has been the worst person in the world to me and treated me worse than anyone else in my life. I still love him. I have, after much thought, resigned myself to the fact that I always will. You are not alone sweetheart so don't feel too bad. I think, however, that you need to sit down and make some decisions. What do you want out of life? Do you want a fullfilling relationship with someone else? If so, how do you forget this guy? What is this person doing now? Is it possible to get in touch with him and see what he is up to? If he is married or has a partner, dont' interfere. You'll only hurt yourself and him! BUT, if he is not, think about seeing if he's even the same person you are remembering as he will have changed after all this time. Explore, see what happens. If you can't do this, then sit down and have a talk with yourself. What are your goals in life? Where are you going relationship-wise? Perhaps counselling would help. Never discount it. Sometimes it just helps to clarify your own thoughts. GOOD LUCK! You aren't alone. I'm the same. In my case, at 43, I figure I will just 'leave men alone' for a while and get on with all the other wonderful things I have in life and see what happens. Again, good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Books, like therapy, only work for people who are interested in being helped --or in your case, in letting go. You cannot just talk about wanting to move on, you have to really want to want move; you have to really want a future for yourself. Right now, you must be living in a fantasy to still be consumed by someone you have not dated in years and do not speak to. So, imagine reality instead of your fantasy. Recognize that the person you love and who may have loved you exists in a bubble way back in 2002, not in the present-day 2009. Let go of the idea that you are missing something in him or that your relationship could have turned out differently. And consider whether you want to be the victim in your life indefinitely. To put it coldly: You will not fall in love. You will not get married. You will not bear children. You will not be happy ... so long as you let your old relationship be, in your mind, the best that could ever be in your life.
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