A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am currently 32 wks pregnant and alone. Father of baby is ignoring me and didn't even wish me a happy valentine's day yesterday. I bumped into him after 30 days of no contact and was doing well until the conversation turned ugly. I looked better then him and acted happy...though I am not. He doesn't think this baby is his and accused me of cheating and hence him not wanting to go back with me.. but I never cheated him. He hasn't gone to any hospital stuff and refuses to go to the birth though wants DNA. I said fine to DNA cos you know if thats what he needs then fine. I would like to get over him now and what is upsetting me is the fact that I was just FINALLY starting to get over him and I think if I had not bumped into him I prob would be feeling better. He acted v weird when I bumped into him. He told me to move my chair closer to him but I said I wasn't staying long just passing by. He also told me he had v little trust in me and thinks its best to completely ignore me now until the baby is out. I said if he can't trust then he got a problem. I got upset and said a woman needs the man the most at the end of pregnancy - and basically I don't think when he sees baby is his will make much difference if he is currently not even caring for both our well-being now. He is not even excited about this new little life. I said its a gift. It should be a happy event not made to be so miserable. I would like to not pine for him anymore. I think prob cos am pregnant its making it harder for me to 'move on' but would love some ideas cos I feel I keep going back and around in a vicious circle. I really love the guy. I guess cos he has heaps of assets - he just worried I am going to fleece him of those cos of baby but I told him to his face I don't want his blood money or any of his possessions so why was he worried so much? I had started to get over him until I bumped into him recently, each time he pops out of the woodwork, am back to square 1, secretly pining for him all over again...I don't want to either. He refuses to communicate with me so if I send him a mail he will just ignore so obviously I haven't bothered apart from when I got upset. If he has moved on to someone else I would rather he told me then I not know. So what I don't get is why doesn't he just put me out my misery to be fair to me? I got upset yesterday as I had wished him a happy v day by txt and got no reply. Later I mailed and said you could at least have wished me a nice day as a min. If you have someone else why didn't you just say to my face the last time I bumped into you? he never replied to that mail but then I was kicking myself for caring or bothering. So will keep to ignore as what other choice has he given me but find it v v hurtful. I am trying to look forward to the arrival of the baby and thankfully the child is doing well as I lost a baby via neonatal death 2 yrs ago after the birth. How could what used to be a v thoughtful and caring bf morph into this monster of a person who just doesn't spare a thought or AT THE V LEAST care at all for our well-being? I think he has convinced himself in his mind that she must have cheated me and its not my baby therefore I don't care...but I told him WHY would I have taken him back if that was the case...IF I had already moved onto someone new. We were on and off when I fell pregnant. We parted ways but the conversation was left hanging on that note. I am sad that he just doesn't bother to communicate cos he prob thinks just court case now. I love him more then he loves me but what kills is the fact that he is acting like as if I am his enemy. I have not wronged the guy and yet he is making out like as if I have - I guess as a way to get over me. When this child is out of me, how can I not hate him after all this? I am not a revengeful person nor do I like to carry resent towards someone else even if they have been wrong with me - any advice would be appreciated..thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks v much hun...haven't had the baby yet but bumped into him at lunch today in my workplace and he was v angry...he told me v rudely I don't want to speak to you. I said back calmly - wasn't expecting to run into you...came for the nice hot food...then smiled and said well you will have to talk to me at some point but you don't want...no prob and I walked out like as if he didn't bother me..but really at a loss to understand now why he is SO angry about this child coming and has no interest to at the v min talk to me. Ideas anyone? he must be in denial or think that if he sits tight - he will get the all-clear that it isn't his? I think that is the game. What does everyone else think? Thanks hun and congrats on your baby...can't wait to see the baby whatever happens too!! when are you due? xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Hey, CONGRATULATIONS! X
What did you have? How was the labour? I hope both Mother and Baby are doing great! How do you feel?
I saw my babys dad 2ay and we had a massive argument in a cafe, everybody knew my situation and the cafe owner felt sorry for me and kicked him out asking that he does'nt come back. Unlike you I looked a complete mess, morning sickness got the better of me.
I can't wait until I have my baby, so like you I will have my baby to distract my thoughts!I know once my baby is here I won't care about him. Thats how it was in my first pregnancy.. I have no luck with love...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both of you for the v good advice you have given me and to the lady who is going through the same situation as myself - am here for you too if you ever need to mail me for anything. I think you are right he has simply flipped the script. I dumped him when I thought he was dating and having coffees with other women whilst being wiht me. Then he wanted me back...then we got back but as soon as its gets comfy he then breaks up...so yeah perhaps he is accusing me of cheating to cover his own tracks - that makes sense - I nearly went into labour last night and though I told him to be fair he never even bothered to send a mail back to say hope you are okay and good luck..which is v out of character but guess his new gf must have him on a leash! but like you say I guess its only a matter of time till he gets curious enough to drift back into my life. For the entire pregnancy he has done this on and off thing with me - I just never thought he would totally give up RIGHT at the end...but like you say I think its going to be really really hard not to resent him once the baby is out and that is what I am really worried about... anyway thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): I am going through the same thing, only I am 8weeks pregnant. The reason why he claims you were cheating is because he probably was cheating on you,or has someone else men like that like to flip the script. He knows the baby is his, he just doesn't want the responsibility of you and the baby( i don't mean to sound harsh) he wants his freedom, not to be obligated to anyone. He will be back though, and I think you will take him back.. Don't ever forget what he has put you through, stay strong you can do this and you will, I'm glad you come across as happy and well presented when he saw you and if you can try not to conact him again, not even when you go into labour, see if he cares at enough a all to contact you. If not, don't say a word to him and see your solicitor. I wish you all the best,good luck!
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female
reader, abcdefgh  +, writes (15 February 2010):
i understand that when you have been with someone feelings just dont dissapear but its time to focus on your baby have you prepared your birthing plan and got everything you need you will find in time that your ex just isnt the one for you but someone is and as long as you keep these feelings you will not be able to move on with your life
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