A
female
age
30-35,
*ezlie
writes:Hi all. Ive just broken up with my boyfriend of 1 year. To put it simply, im devastated. In hindsight, the relationship was going downhill since christmas. I think maybe we got two comfortable with eachother, the spark was gone, we were more or less doing the same thing every time we were together. Also, the things we used to love about eachother, were beginning to annoy us. For me, i knew something was going to have to happen. But the last thing i wanted was a break up. I wouldve wanted to sit down and talk about things. For his part however, hed reached the end of the line. I understand that completley, weve been there before, sitting down and having big talks about how to sort us out, and i suppose he got tired of it. After all we're 18, i know we should be going out living life. We were eachothers lives.As i said, i wouldve like to work things out. I think thats a combination of how much i love him and the comfort i felt with him and my insecurities. You see, we have been on and off for over 6 years. Yes, we first got together when i was 12, crazy i know. But he is all i know. It kills me when i think of him with anyone else, or even myself with anyone else. For both of us, the split is more for personal reasons. Our health has gone way down, hence why the spark is gone, and im failing at college. I feel like i need to get myself back on track. Im just scared that when i do, i wont be over him, and he wont even remember my name! I know i dont want it to be a game, as in who gets over eachother first. I just have no clue what to do, ive never gotten over him properley, ive never had to. He also said that he would like to keep in contact, not in the near future as it would still be very much raw, but just to see how i am and what im up to. I dont think i will be able to as i cant keep going back there, i need a clean break and a fresh start. But it absolutley kills me.Any help would be greatley appreciated. Thank you for listening.
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a break, christmas, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): you're only 18 you have a lifetime ahead, this isnt gonna be your last relationship. You'll meet plenty of guys who'll give you that spark. take care
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 May 2009):
The first thing you need to do is WANT to get over him.
You say you've been with him since you were 12 so you are in the habit now of feeling all bad and then you'll get back with him.
This time you have to put effort in to get over him and then accept that you are single and don't have him as your safety net.
Make that decision. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are going to get over him. You are going to enjoy being single, getting to know new people and eventually finding a new boyfriend.
So:
Think about his faults. Think about why it was right to break up. Why he was not quite as perfect as you kept telling yourself for all those years.
When you do miss him then give yourself a pinch or a kick up the bum and tell yourself it's not going to help and to suck it up.
Get out and distract yourself. Have a big day of shopping and hanging out with your friends. Go to the cinema. Go through your phone and text people you have drifted away from. Have FUN!
Think about things you can do now you are not with him. You could work hard at college and go to uni in New York. You could get a job as a singer on a cruise ship. You could go and work abroad all summer. Think long term. Get some dreams.
Good Luck!! xx
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