A
male
age
41-50,
*ightnindragon
writes:I'm very much a broken man at the moment, Me and my ex-wife split up 8 weeks ago to the day! This has happened before except I was the one who broke that off last time. A little history...I met my wife back in 2002, we had our first child in 2003, everything was fantastic, new house, moving up etc.. in 2004 things became a little difficult, i lost my job and found it hard to get another. I also found out my mum had her brain tumour come back, my brother GF had a miscarriage and to top it off debts started to build... Not a great year.. things started to go downhill for us. Jan 2005 my mother died, april 2005 we got married. Jan 2006 my wife told me that she needed to get off her chest that she had cheated on me once just after my mum had died (they were very close friends and have known each other since my wife was a baby) not really much of an excuse, but thats what she used. After 10 month of being together, knowing what i know, everything started to get on top of me and it pecked my head daily.. getting harder each time to take! Finally in December 2006, I left her, I couldn't go on any longer with what i had on my mind. I didn't leave in the nicest way either, I jsut upped and left in the middle of the night with a note left (which i regret, but i couldn't stand the confrontation, so i took the cowards way out :( and to make matters worse... she was pregnant ). I Moved into a work colleagues place and after 4 weeks actually starting dating the women i was living with (my ex wife seems to think I left her for this women, which isn't true)I spent 10 months with this women, in the meantime my ex-wife was fighting with everything she had to win me back. I always loved her then and had nothing for this women i was with and eventually i went back to my wife in October 2007, the last 3 years were amazing, probably the best 3 years of my life! The problem is, I failed myself, infact I failed everyone!! I didn't show her the love and attention she needed, I spent more time on the computer than i did with my family. I didn't do a great deal in terms of DIY and I didn't hold jobs down well. She said to me 8 weeks ago, out of the blue, shes unhappy and thats it, saying there will never be another chance as she cannot do this again! The roles basically reversed from the last break up. She told me everything she needed to, problem is that i was getting lazier the more time we were together, which is certainly not good :( I was never like this first time round! So I have a lot of issues in myself to deal with! The hardest part is losing EVERYTHING, not just my wife, but i'm a part time dad again i suppose, which i hate, i gave her the car and everything in the house! The kids need it more than me! I walked away with a suitcase and my guitar.I spent the first 3 weeks apart from her basically begging like a useless idiot :( Then i started taking everyones no contact advice, not easy as i speak to my kids everyday! and pick them up every weekend! and all I want to do is tell her i love her, I was doing great until last night (new years eve) where I was counting down to midnight so i can give permission to let go, everyone knew about it ( I didn't tell my ex though) It was my countdown(with hope she would text me or phone me or anything) all this is to help me let go, problem is! I broke the no contact rule last night when i left her an answer machine message saying how much i love her and how can i move on.. FAILED! No contact seemed to be having a minor effect, she started asking my friends what i have been "up to" 3 or 4 times and asked if im seeing anyone else. She has phoned me a couple times for random conversation, even though she froze me out completely for the time before that, now I don't know wether to read into these very minor signs.What this all boils down to is... i really want my wife back, I want to fight to the death for her.. but I'm feeling like i'm losing, like im invisible.. whenever someone else ignores me for example i instantly feel like a despressed loner.. my head is a constant muddle! So much stuff going round it that Im running out of paper to write my feelings down! Even thought about packin it all in a few times.. but my kids are priority! (very selfish thing to think really :( )Has anyone got ANY advice out there to help me get over the fact shes left me.. and any ways you think i can get my wife back.. start the no contact again?? I don't know what to do anymore..
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cheated on me, debt, ex-wife, move on, moved in, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Well she did inquire about any relationships you might have been in, and apparently she asked about it several times which might be a good sign, a sign that she is still interested. Nobody fights that hard at first and then lets everything go that easily. She fought for almost a year just to get you back from your colleague, I doubt she would have done that if she did not love you and I doubt she would care about your current relationship if she did not feel something.
Try talking to her, asking her how she has been, asking her if she would like to just go out with you for coffee or something, just to see how everything is. Talk and perhaps you will both come clean with everything. She knows how you feel about her, assuming she heard your voice message. She would not ask your friends about you if she was not interested, she would be the one enforcing the 'no contact rule'. Meet her this once and see how things go.
I hope that helps.
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