A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i was best friends with a girl sometime back, it was like we both were very close and the chemistry made me fall for her, i couldnt help it. Even she was close to me and used to hug me when going on bike rides, i even used to let her sleep in my arms while traveling, and she also had a boyfriend at that time. Slowly as time passed, she started saying she felt like she was cheating her boyfriend, and i respected and maintained my distance. but i expected things like a friend. she started giving two other guys more time than me, and one time when we went to a beach on vacation, she was hanging around with one of those guys and dint even bother about me. i told her frankly that i getting jealous and she freaked out. well, i thought it was genuine getting jealous when a best friend is avoiding you for someone else. After that i behaved badly, i boozed openly and i did all crap. She even told that guy why i was behaving like that. Anyways i later realised my mistake and started to handle the situation by being more matured. I tried getting her back and she even gave me an impression that she understood that i was really repenting for what i did. But she once said, we cant be the friends we were anymore. I got pissed off and she went upto the extent of saying "i never considered you as my best friend, you were only my good friend." And now she doesnt have a boyfriend and its also not like i want to take that place. All those days of arguments and fights with her lowered my self esteem a lot. I even went to a psychiatrist for getting myself treated for anxiety disorder.Ony one thing used to revolve in my mind, the girl whom i was very close to now seems to be so indifferent towards me. She asked me to politely walk away from her life when i texted her saying i was missing her. And now i dont know what i want, Part of my mind asks me to get over her and move on and the other part wants her back. But now i prepared myself to accept things and move on, but my problem is we both study in the same college and its hard to avoid seeing her in college. she seems to be fine with this whole crap, but my lowered self esteem is making it very difficult for me. And i study in a medical school, so i dont want to waste my time brooding over this crap, i wanna build up my self esteem again and want to project a care free attitude towards her. please suggest something... Thanks in advance
View related questions:
best friend, jealous, move on, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lacylavine  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I think I don't know how this will sound, but maybe you scared her. She considered you her friend, and that is all, and maybe she did cross the line into more that friendship and then she released it. It was easier for her to stop being your friend than to deal with it. I think you should remember the girl you know and loved? as a friend or even more but also remember the person she turned into. Could you be a friend with someone who treated you badly? To make you feel bad about yourself? I wouldn't think. I think you should step back and take in your life, what do you like to do? Where do you like to hang out? What's good in your life? Family, college friends. Release that yes it was a sad moment in time, but in the end she wasn't worthy of your affection. She be the one later down the road will think of you. I personally think with out the openly drinking part what you did was reasonable. You stayed a distance away and you tried. Who knows maybe she just wanted a bit of fun from you, yes that might hurt. But you should release you are worth more than that, you are you, you might be funny, or goofy, or the life of the party. Maybe you are just the most respeactful and caring person that you know. So don't forget for what she did, but forgive her. We all are young, it may have not been fair or even nice on you but you have your whole world ahead of you. Focus on yourself, what makes you happy and who knows one day with out releasing you find the love of your life who loves you back. And be lucky you never looked back. I hope that helps, and good luck!!
A
male
reader, jcams  +, writes (13 December 2010):
Ok first of all you need to just let her go completely. No more text, no more calls, no e-mail, nothing. The person that you knew when you were first hanging out is not the same person that you are talking to and interacting with today. She has changed her perspective of you and there is nothing that you can do to change it back. She has to be the one that does that. So the best thing for you to do is to move on. When you see her around school don't make a big deal out of it or go out of your way to talk to her. If you pass her somewhere wave and say hey, but leave it at that. If she wants more she will approach you. If you are at a party or social event and she shows up don't leave or make a scene, but continue with your social interactions. If she comes up to you say hi and be nice but don't expect a conversation to start. If you do get the chance to have a conversation keep it light and don't tell her you miss her or anything like that. Keep the topics on superficial things like the weather, your college sports teams, things that you would talk to an acquaintance about. Last thing, pick your head up. If you are feeling badly she will be able to see that. Self confidence is one of the most attractive things to a girl. You are a smart guy who is in med school! If you follow my advice you may not become her boyfriend but you may be able to salvage a friendship and that can lead to other things down the road. Good luck man.
...............................
|
